So who’s up for anal sex? I’d suggest most men are these days (maybe more giving than taking), but what about women? Are we as enthusiastic about taking it anally? The frequent appearance of anal scenes in porn these days may have whet the male appetite for backdoor action, but being on the receiving end is an entirely different matter.
Don’t get me wrong. Anal sex can be mind-blowingly amazing for women too (I rediscovered the pleasure recently), but it’s fair to say that just like men, some will find anal stimulation more pleasurable than others. Some won’t find anything to do with the anus sexy at all, and that’s OK! Needless to say, anal sex should only be explored if it feels good.
To help other women discover the joys of anal sex, I’ve come up with some honest tips and advice. I’m by no means an anal queen but I’ve done it enough times with various sized penises to know how to prepare for it and what positions work best. I hope it helps!
The Bottom Line (ha ha…)
I’ve put the bottom line tip here right up at the top. If any woman reading this really (really) doesn’t want to have anal sex, then please don’t do it. Sure, anal sex has become the Holy Grail of sex acts for some guys, but any man who insists you let him fuck you up the ass should be willing to let you penetrate him with a dildo first. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have anal sex. For most part, it’s only pleasurable if you want it. Still curious to try? Then please read on.
Understand the anus
More women would probably try and enjoy anal sex if they and their male partners understood some basic anatomy. Firstly, the anus isn’t a convenient, optional second hole. Unlike the two-way street of the vagina, the anus was built to expel. It needs a different approach to penetration to ensure anal sex is enjoyable and safe for both parties. The anus isn’t as robust as the vagina so gentle is the only gear to start in, and with as much lube as you can get hold of.
Get to know your own butt
Just like playing with your genitalia, self-exploration of your anus is ideal. You’ll know if something hurts or doesn’t feel right. Get lots of lube and start exploring the outer area of your butt-hole. Use light touches as well as some pressure to see what feels good for you. If you enjoy these initial explorations then start gently probing until you’re comfortable to take a whole finger in. If you feel any resistance with a finger, then relax. You need to loosen your sphincter muscle and that means focusing on pushing something out in order to let something in. It’ll take time to work out how your anus actually works.
Tip: Try exploring in the shower. Warm water and soap are very conducive to pain-free probing.
Introduce anal play before anal sex
Your man may be keen for rear access ASAP but it’s important to enjoy a lot of anal play first. Regular foreplay will get a lady in the mood, but in order to have great anal sex, the anus needs exclusive attention. There should be a lot of gentle rubbing and teasing, and some slow probing with fingers or toys. Guys who enjoy rimming get a huge tick in my book but it’s not necessary. Some women feel uncomfortable having their ass licked so just politely say you prefer other stimulation. Anal play encourages communication which is important if anal sex doesn’t go as planned.
Prepare for penetration
Condoms are recommended for anal sex, purely because you don’t want to transfer nasty bacteria to your vagina should you need to swap holes. Also, there is no such thing as too much lube for anal sex so make sure you have more than enough. A good quality, water-based lube is sufficient but there are some anal sex specific lube on the market such as Pjur’s Back Door. I don’t recommend using anything that numbs, including copious amounts of alcohol or drugs.
Tip: The best position for gentle anal sex is spooning which lets your body relax. Super important!
Hold off on the hardcore, porn star thrusting
If it’s your first time or you have had bad experiences in the past, ask your partner to only insert his penis partially and hold it in place for a while. The initial feeling of discomfort (if any) will ease off once the anus has adjusted to the intrusion. The first time may not involve as much thrusting as he’d like but if he wants more anal adventures in future, he must go slow. Very slow. If you feel comfortable let him insert the full length of his penis slowly. Any thrusting should be gentle and slow. Top up on lube as often as you can. If all feels good, you can increase the pace but as soon as you feel any pain or discomfort, stop.
Tip: If you need to stop, tell your partner to slowly pull out to minimise pain on exit.
Don’t expect the same result every time
The rectum is a far more variable passage than the vagina so anal sex won’t always feel the same. If you’ve had diarrhea or difficulty getting poo out, then your anus will have had a rough time even if not apparent to you. The anus is also more susceptible to tears and cuts so if you had some energetic anal sex one night, you should probably rest your butt the next few nights. Sometimes you can’t plan to have anal sex. Be prepared for times when you can only have good old-fashioned vaginal sex.
What if there’s poo?
Even anal fiend Rocco Siffredi said that you can’t be up a woman’s ass for two hours and not expect something to come out. It just can’t be helped sometimes so it’s best if you and your partner have a sense of humour and are prepared for anything. As long as you’ve had a firm poo earlier in the day, it’s unlikely that you’ll have any embarrassing moments. You can try an enema before sex but it’s probably not necessary. That said, don’t have anal sex if you have an upset stomach. It’ll make it worse. Try and avoid eating anything that stimulates poo production if your system is sensitive too. Keep a hand towel nearby to swoop on any unexpected surprises and if your partner is completely revolted by what happens when his penis goes up the rectal passage and makes you feel bad, get a new partner.
What if there’s pain?
Done with patience, lots of lube and respect, anal sex shouldn’t be excruciatingly painful. If there is pain, it’s because the sphincter hasn’t loosened enough and an attempt has been made to shove a penis through it. Ouch… If there’s pain and bleeding that persists, then it’s worth visiting your doctor or sexual health clinic. For most part though, anal sex should cause no significant pain or damage when done correctly. If the pain is mostly due to discomfort then don’t be a hero by grinning and bearing it. Stop immediately. There are so many other fun things to do in the sack so swap holes or have a cuddle.
Are some penises too big for anal sex?
Porn actresses will have you believe that taking monster penises anally is a piece of cake but in my opinion, every woman is different. Thick penises (more so than long) will be challenging but as long as your hung partner is willing to work on preparation and foreplay, you can certainly have a go. I have to say that average to small penises are better for anal sex. The sphincter doesn’t need to be stretched that much for the pleasurable sensations to kick in after all. If you’ve tried taking larger penises anally without success, then yes, some penises are just too big for you but don’t forget that anal sex should be a secondary pleasure. Go back to enjoying vaginal sex with a touch of anal play if you like.
Keywords: slow, lube, gentle, communication, lube, sense of humour, patience, lube.