Emotional Attachment

I’ve received a few emails lately from both potential Stags and Vixens who are excited about trying out the Hotwifing lifestyle but are also concerned about emotional attachment and thereby putting their relationship at risk. This is very valid concern and as such, I can only advise that couples ask that hard question before inviting another person into their sexual space:

“Will you fall in love with another man if I let you sleep with him?”

Emotional AttachmentThroughout this blog, I have always stressed that my Hotwifing experiences are exactly that: just my own. I can’t speak for every woman when it comes to how she reacts emotionally, especially where sex is concerned. I know women who can have sex with a stranger and not think twice about it afterwards, whereas others need to have some level of connection with a man before sleeping with them, even though they are happily partnered themselves.

For me personally, sex can be anything from physical exercise to a deeply intimate experience. I don’t have to know a guy for a long time before sleeping with him and I don’t feel the need to engage with him beyond having fun in the bedroom. In short, I can give myself physically to a man, enjoy the sex for what it is and not fall in love with him.

Of course, it’s not always that cut and dry where sex is concerned and I’ll concede that some Bulls do get into my head more than others. Would I ever leave my husband for any of them though? Certainly not. If I have deliciously good sexual chemistry with a guy then I might have a bigger smile on my face than usual but I’m definitely not daydreaming about him in a non-sexual, romantic way. Another man might ‘own’ me in bed, but never out.

This brings me to the most important consideration for couples: why do you want to be a Hotwife? Forget about why a man wants his wife to be one. Whether a woman is going to get emotionally attached to another man or not will depend entirely on why she wants to fuck a man other than her husband. And believe it or not, ‘sexual exploration’ is not entirely the right answer.

Hotwifing is most definitely about giving a woman the chance to explore her sexuality through different sexual partners but it’s important to ensure that there isn’t a larger void that a couple is hoping to fill by inviting a Bull into the bedroom. There’s nothing at all wrong with addressing the need to add more excitement into one’s sex life but it’s worth assessing what exactly that element is before putting that anklet on.

If your partner is keen to try being a Vixen because she’s seeking some form of affirmation that she’s sexy, attractive, interesting and desirable then I would tread carefully. A Vixen should already be confident about her sexual worth either because she has a healthy self-esteem or her husband is always reminding her that she’s a sex goddess. The last thing you want is a Bull making your wife feel good about herself. Emotional attachment may happen if she continually seeks out a Bull’s approval.

A woman may also form an emotional attachment to a Bull if she isn’t wholly fulfilled by her marriage or even life in general. If she is dissatisfied with some aspect of her life or relationship, being with a new person might be a welcome distraction. Unfortunately, it’s not hard to confuse sexual passion with a deeper connection. Such is the power of orgasm! She may start believing that she needs to be with that Bull on a day to day basis. Suddenly, you don’t seem to be her only option as a life partner. Complicated!

Before you throw in the Vixen towel, please keep in mind that couples break up routinely for so many reasons, and it’s not usually because a woman had her mind blown by a BBC. You just need to be mindful and keep the line of communication open at all times. Couples with prior experience in threesomes and swinging will probably find the Hotwifing waters easier to navigate but newbies just need to make sure their life vests are well secured before jumping in.

I have a number of posts here that offer tips and advice on ensuring that couples have a smooth journey with Hotwifing. Please take a look at Thick Hide and Hotwifing Baby Steps.

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