Aren’t Hotwives basically in open relationships?
Not at all. A woman having sex with other men with the permission of her husband does not an open relationship make. Confused? Take me for example: I am a shared wife but I don’t consider myself to be in an open relationship. My husband and I prefer to play together. Although we’ve given each other hall passes here and there, we don’t go out of our way to spend time with someone else, sexually or otherwise. To be perfectly honest, I don’t have the energy or patience to love one more human being in my life, if I don’t have to.
Here are two key observations I’ve made as to how a shared wife differs to a woman in an open relationship:
Hotwives are relatively monogamous
Couples in open relationships (or polyamorists) are pretty much the complete opposite of a traditional, monogamous couple. The more polyamorist a couple is, the less likely they will hold one relationship as being more important than another. Casually polyamorist couples (who I consider those in an open relationship) still view the relationship with their spouse or partner as primary, and other relationships as secondary.
I tend to simplistically base the scale of polyamory on how much emotional attachment and love you invest in someone other than your primary partner. Some couples just enjoy sexual relationships outside of marriage, whereas others allow emotional attachment to occur. The overall idea is not letting monogamy limit you from being fulfilled by other relationships and what they can offer you.
Contrary to the above, Hotwives are generally only seeking sexual fulfilment. Sexual chemistry is the only connection a Hotwife wants to make with another man. A sexy, pre-fuck date and flirty texts are most welcome, but she’ll draw the line at spending meaningful time with him. If she’s got spare time to connect with a man, it’s going to be with her husband, hands down. I don’t want to date other men. I just want to fuck them.
Hotwifing is for mutual sexual enjoyment
Of the couples I’ve known who were in open relationships, I got the feeling that the sex they had with others was solely for the pleasure of the individual. The husband didn’t get his rocks off thinking about his wife getting nailed by his best mate. He was too busy chasing skirt at the office. I’m generalising of course, but the overall impression I got was that one partner was simply happy for the other if they got laid.
My husband doesn’t mind if I line up a coffee date with a prospective playmate as long as I tell him about it. He likes to share the excitement of what it may lead to. When we do invite a single guy over for some fun, he loves watching me being desired and consumed. He’s by no means attracted to other men but I think there’s sexual arousal in seeing a guy so turned on by me and taking pleasure in fucking me. The more excited the guy is for me, the better for my husband too.
If I was in an open relationship, my husband would miss out on all the things he finds pleasurable in sharing me. I know there are some husbands who do get major boners just thinking about their wife playing up somewhere in the world, but I doubt he’d be as enthused if he knew she was having deep conversations with another man about her life aspirations. Would he start masturbating at the thought of him cooking her crispy pork belly and feeding her strawberries dipped in chocolate afterwards? My husband wouldn’t. But horses for courses.
Being in an open relationship is a selfless endeavour and I applaud a couple for not wanting to place restrictions on achieving happiness and fulfilment, even if it has to involve seeing other people. As for me, I am very monogamous in that respect. I feel happy and fulfilled by one partner. If we ever decided to be completely monogamous, I don’t think I’d mind. For now though, I love being a shared wife and intend to take full advantage of it.