In a space of a couple of weeks, I heard two very different voices that gave some insight into what a Bull’s journey is like in the Hotwifing lifestyle, and why some guys will never make that almighty climb up Mt. Pleasurest (yeah I made that up on the fly…). Anyway, I’m sharing these snippets (edited for privacy) to give people a different perspective when seeking a single guy.
Here’s the first point of view and I think most Hotwifing couples will relate:
“We are having a difficult time finding guys. We are very picky to start. Of the four we approved of and began communicating with, three just disappeared right before meeting. Kind of weird when they reached out to you and were very excited initially. Any advice for other avenues to find guys? Or input as to their sudden disappearance?”
I think we’ve all been there before right? I was about to reply from my various experiences as a Hotwife, then I got the following email:
“I am just a regular guy: 40 years old, recently divorced and finally free to explore and enjoy my own sexuality which I was never able to do while married.
I love mature females, couples, and the HOTWIFE experience!! Have experienced it twice with two different local couples and all I want is more. Great friendships are being made and with a small local group of play partners, we’re staying safe by not having to go out and have multiple random hookups that are one time experiences with strangers.
I am not a BULL physically with a humongous tool, but in addition to both mentally and emotionally having a “BULL LIKE” mindset, my limited experience with Hotwives and husbands is exactly where it needs to be for what the Hotwives I have connected with are looking for and want. The best feeling ever was when I got a text from hubby thanking me for “fully satisfying his Hotwife”. Apologies for the gloating, but simply sharing that what you write about in the “not all men are bulls” section, you’re exactly on point, and I am proof of that!! lol
Your articles are so on target and I am thankful for the information which has helped me learn, grow, become more comfortable in my own sexuality, and has expanded my sexual horizons and adventures resulting in an increased level of happiness in my life that did not exist before. I have never reached out or typed this much to someone who I doubt will ever see this note, but I feel very strongly about this.”
There’s a tendency to focus on the wife and husband in Hotwifing, with the Bull often regarded as peripheral to the dynamic. Realistically though, you can’t Hotwife without all the key players and the Bull is one of them. Yet, as a Hotwife couple, we only consider what we want out of a single guy. We only care that he turns up and knows when to leave. He’s a dude, so getting his rocks off is all he needs, right? What other incentive does a guy need to fuck someone else’s wife? Sheesh!
I have discovered over time that while there are indeed men who are content to be true Bulls (get in, get out, go home), a good majority of men prefer a more well-rounded, fulfilling experience with couples. Sure, if a Hotwife invites a guy to turn up at a hotel room and start pounding, he’ll most likely turn up, but if another couple invites him to grab a bite to eat, partake in some great conversation over drinks before flowing into a night of pleasure, he’ll enjoy that experience far more. Perhaps even to his own surprise!
We don’t talk about men wanting or needing to explore their sexuality, and I’m not talking about orientation. Even heterosexual males should take the opportunity to learn more about their sexual responses and capacity to achieve better sex. Just like my reader, being in a monogamous marriage can stifle one’s sexuality, especially if you don’t have a partner who is keen to experiment and mix things up. It takes a lot of courage for men to explore their sexuality and for many, it just feels safer to stick to what they know, and that means one-on-one sex.
There’s certainly a culture of assuming that men come as a standard package: they should find X arousing, and a bit of Y should get them to climax. This is quite evident with online dating where it’s rare for men to spend the time explaining on their profile what they actually want to do rather than the super obvious (ie- have sex). Similarly, couples aren’t much better with too much emphasis placed on what they want in a guy (tall, hung, beast stamina), as opposed to what they want all three of them to experience together as a team.
But should it be so hard find Bulls? Yes and No. It just depends what one wants out of the Hotwifing experience. If you literally just want a guy to service the missus, then that’s not hard. However, if you want more than that, then your search is for a guy who is a bit more clued up about his own sexual needs and knows that a lot of what makes sex good happens well before stepping into the bedroom. You want the sort of guy who can articulate exactly what my reader did in his above-mentioned email.
So to my reader, thank you for giving me your perspective. We too often forget that Hotwifing should be a satisfying experience for the single men too. To the couple who commented above, and those in a similar situation, the awesome and genuine guys are definitely out there. However, you’ll inevitably come across a lot of men who think they can be a Bull but aren’t ready (the ghosting happens to me too!). I’ll continue with my online dating guide soon to help you find genuine Bulls.