Well before Fifty Shades of Grey invited so much misguided attention to it, I was always intrigued by the world of BDSM. My husband and I had a casual friendship with a couple who were in a Dom/sub relationship, and one of my good lifestyle friends is a Dominatrix. So by the time Mr Grey hit the shelves and the big screen, I was pretty well versed on BDSM and its variations. Certainly enough to know what a crock of poo Fifty Shades is.
A Dom/sub relationship is exactly that; a relationship. It generally extends beyond simple sexual interaction. It’s not a lifestyle in the way swinging and Hotwifing are. As far as being a Hotwife is concerned, it’s just a naughty role I play occasionally. I am not scoping out the talent 24/7 since more important things in life take precedent. On the other hand, a submissive is at her Dom’s beck and call at all times and she’s exclusively ‘owned’ by him. His will is her command sorta thing. If he tells her not to masturbate for an entire week, then she won’t.
I understand why people enter into Dom/sub relationships. Submissives (particularly ‘Littles’) seem to enjoy the guidance and rituals that come with having a Dom or Daddy Dom. Relinquishing control is an attraction for some submissives while others enjoy the ‘punishment’ aspect of the relationship. There are many elements that I can appreciate and actually enjoy dabbling in, so while not a sub myself, I do have submissive tendencies which I discovered with this guy.
There is definitely an element of the Dom/sub model in our Hotwifing lifestyle too. I am shared by my husband, and while I have 100% say in who I play with, I generally like having my husband be in charge of how and when we play with other men. Of course, I am definitely not submissive enough to adhere to his rules all the time, and I do occasionally end up doing what I shouldn’t. And he knows that. That’s part of the fun for us. Or is being ‘punished’ another submissive proclivity of mine? Hmmm…
A playmate we met recently who we both get along well with has a tasty dominant streak. My husband approves of him because he prefers seeing me with assertive men who aren’t wishy-washy with me. This guy is very tall and muscular, and possesses a sharp wit and intellect. The big boxes ticked right there! He enjoys sex on the kinky side and loves taking control of a slut wife who can’t keep her legs closed. If I could give an award to Bull of the Year, I’d hand him a trophy right now. Why? I am definitely a sucker for dominant men.
I know this because I was somewhat disappointed with a guy I met a few months ago while out of town. He was very attractive, tall, fit and wore a suit like nobody’s business. It turned out that other than still being in love with his ex, he also had a submissive streak. He had hoped that I might order him around and take charge. I’m not against being dominant myself but it’s usually with other women, and that doesn’t happen much these days. Sadly I don’t get my kicks from dominating guys. And pegging? Looks fun but zero thrills for me. Men don’t have to be dominant to turn me on, but if anyone is to submit, I prefer that it be me.
So what makes a man good at being dominant? Definitely knowing that less is more when it comes to ‘dominating’ a woman. If a guy’s idea of dominance is a rough hair pull or sudden neck grab at the start of foreplay, then he’s probably watched way too much Dom/sub porn. I like dominance to be subtle and implied at first. It should begin with words; not actions. A steady hold of my gaze during a drinks date will have me handing over control from the get-go. Smacking my butt before the privilege is earned might just get me riled up enough to grab the strap-on!
As much as I’m interested in exploring more Dom/sub play in the bedroom, I’m not likely to enter into an full arrangement with a Dom. It’s not something my husband would agree to and I can’t deal with more than one man in my life making demands! I actually don’t like being told what to do in my everyday life so I’m certainly not a submissive by nature. For me, being dominated is a fun aspect of my sex life and a type of escape. I find it exhilarating to ‘give’ myself to one or more men, but I also like knowing that I ultimately call the shots.