Cold Feet: Just Bite the Bull-et!

Last week I met a guy who was the textbook perfect playfriend-to-be. He was good looking, athletic in physique and intelligent. He also had the biggest, most intriguingly bent penis I had ever seen. Nether region assets aside, our online banter was fun and playful, so needless to say, I was looking forward to meeting him in the flesh.

Cold FeetUnfortunately I dropped the ball during the screening process and discovered too late that Banana Dick (BD) hadn’t actually played in any group or couple scenario before. Yep. A newbie. The one thing I try to avoid like cheap silicone lube. He did sense my trepidation and asked if I minded, but by that stage I really didn’t. My eyes were on the prize.

Our drinks date went really well. We chatted about ordinary stuff before moving on to more racy topics which afforded us to be actively flirty with each other. Hands casually found arms and knees and I’m sure my pupils were appropriately dilated. By the end of the date, we were ready to close the deal then and there. In retrospect, we probably should have.

Later that night, BD was seemingly still excited about the date but by the next day, I noticed that he was discernibly reserved. I’m not one to harangue a guy for attention but you just know when you’re being avoided. Finally, I cut to the chase and put the hard word on him: “Are you ready to play?”. I could see he read the message but he never replied. I haven’t heard from him since, even though he’s still lurking on The Site.

Annoying? Totally, but it’s my bad for not sticking to my own rules. I could turn this post into a venomous rant, but instead I’m going to try and help all the BDs out there get over their cold feet and be the best Bull they can be. Here goes!

Why do you get cold feet?

If you repeatedly back out of meeting people or find excuses to not accept a play invite, ask yourself why. Do you have concerns about performance? Are you worried that the husband may try to touch you? These concerns can be addressed easily so rather than becoming a ghost, be honest with the Hotwife or couple. If she likes you enough (are you reading this BD?), she’ll do her best to accommodate. This may mean having a lengthy social date first, to perhaps even playing one-on-one before involving the Stag. You won’t know what’s possible unless you are honest and develop a rapport with a couple. Cold feet actually gets worse in my opinion, so like any affliction, find the cure rather than suffer through it.

I’m straight. He’s straight. But ewwww…

Worried about crossing swords? If the thought of being in the same room with another naked man fills you with dread then I don’t know why you’re still reading this post. MFM and Hotwifing is all about a woman’s sexual pleasure. Unless you’re invited to play solo with a Vixen, you need to be comfortable, if not aroused, by the idea of taking another man’s wife with other guys, or the Stag himself. Your sexuality shouldn’t come into the equation (unless it’s relevant to play) but if you have some subconscious homophobia that prevents you from giving a naughty wife one of three or more cocks, then take MFM off your Fuckit List. And gang bangs for that matter. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a sexual situation with another man present. It’s not for everyone but you need to admit it to yourself that it’s not your thing.

I don’t want to disappoint her

Performance concerns are understandable but you won’t ever know how you’ll stack up until you try. Again, if this is your main concern, be honest and let the Hotwife know that you’re nervous about your first time. It’s up to her to help you through (and some women luuuuurve to initiate a newbie), or move on to a more experienced Bull. You shouldn’t have your first experience with someone who doesn’t have the time or patience to accept that stage fright can happen. Trust me when I say that if a couple invites a newbie join them, they would be way more disappointed by you backing out of the date than by you not being able to get it up. After all, there are other ways to have fun and before you know it, your penis might come to the party. If using condoms is the issue (since you’ve barebacked your way through years of casual sex or came out of a long term relationship), there are ways for you to get used to latex again. If you just can’t fuck with a condom, you’ll have to find a newbie-friendly Hotwife who doesn’t require safe sex. Good luck.

I don’t want to disappoint myself

If your hesitation to move forward is due to not wanting to feel demoralised by a penis fail, which in turn may affect your overall sex life thereafter, then that’s a very valid concern. You then need to consider how much you want to turn that MFM fantasy into reality. It might look seamless and hell sexy in porn but in reality, it can be awkward, if not downright weird, especially if you haven’t seen another erect penis in the flesh before, or had a set of eyes directly on you during sex.

Before committing to meeting a Hotwife or couple, perhaps try visiting a swingers club that accepts single men. It may not be ideal, but you might get some answers to your questions, especially as to whether a group sex context works for you or not. You don’t necessarily have to participate, but your sexual response to watching other people having sex may be key to how you’ll react in a threesome. If visiting a club isn’t possible, perhaps find an exhibitionist couple who wants a third person to watch them go at it or try a spot of dogging.

The first time is rarely perfect anyway

I don’t know anyone who would count their first ever sexual encounter as the most mindblowing experience of their life. As such, don’t expect your first MFM or Hotwifing adventure to be the pinnacle of sexual awesomeness. It might end up being fantastic but it’s OK if you come away from it feeling flat. For most people, even those with years of group sex experience, subsequent encounters are generally better. You’re less nervous and you build more rapport with your partners which will always result in better sex. Don’t forget, if you didn’t enjoy the first experience (overall, or with that particular Hotwife/couple), it’s OK to never do it (or them) again. Just be polite and let the other party know that you had an amazing time but it wasn’t your cup of tea. Conversely, don’t be too disappointed if you don’t get another invite either. Some people enjoy the thrill of new Bulls, or like some one-night stands, there just wasn’t enough of a connection for an encore performance. Hey, you’ve at least had your first experience, so work on the next!

Finally, as they say at Nike HQ…

Just do it. Set yourself a deadline of sorts and proactively take a positive step forward with the next Hotwife or couple you meet (and like). If you can’t/won’t make a commitment, you probably never will, so as harsh as it may sound, it’s time to focus on something else that you’re more likely to realise.

Being a Bull is something a man chooses to do willingly and actively. Only pool boys in cheesy porn find themselves inadvertently involved in MFM action. In the real world, you’ll be waiting a very long time for a Hotwife to just magically appear and insist on you giving her a seeing to. If you really want it to happen then you have do what you can to put yourself in the right situation. It may not happen right away but with some time and patience, you’ll get the opportunity to see what the Hotwifing fuss is all about.



  1. The other way round as well!
    It has happened today: We are a couple who have started hotwifing some months ago, have already been playing with a few partners. Tomorrow we were going to meet a bull who would travel 300 km to meet us. The apartment was booked — and now her libido has gone down completely. The bull’s promise that he would fuck her all night and could come seven times or more, which had been so mouth-watering, suddenly caused anxiousness and nuisance. We have therefore cancelled the date.
    Obviously, our can happen to both sexes: Libido can fall down and you suddenly can’t imagine do what seemed to be so joyful until an instant ago.

    Sincerely from Europe

    • Oh for sure! Unfortunately for women, our libido can totally change by the minute so it can be hard organising dates. We finally decided that it’s better for me to meet a Bull for coffee so when the urge to play is really strong, we know guys we can invite to play that I already met and like.

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