Emotional Attachment

I’ve received a few emails lately from both potential Stags and Vixens who are excited about trying out the Hotwifing lifestyle but are also concerned about emotional attachment and thereby putting their relationship at risk. This is very valid concern and as such, I can only advise that couples ask that hard question before inviting another person into their sexual space:

“Will you fall in love with another man if I let you sleep with him?”

Emotional AttachmentThroughout this blog, I have always stressed that my Hotwifing experiences are exactly that: just my own. I can’t speak for every woman when it comes to how she reacts emotionally, especially where sex is concerned. I know women who can have sex with a stranger and not think twice about it afterwards, whereas others need to have some level of connection with a man before sleeping with them, even though they are happily partnered themselves.

For me personally, sex can be anything from physical exercise to a deeply intimate experience. I don’t have to know a guy for a long time before sleeping with him and I don’t feel the need to engage with him beyond having fun in the bedroom. In short, I can give myself physically to a man, enjoy the sex for what it is and not fall in love with him.

Of course, it’s not always that cut and dry where sex is concerned and I’ll concede that some Bulls do get into my head more than others. Would I ever leave my husband for any of them though? Certainly not. If I have deliciously good sexual chemistry with a guy then I might have a bigger smile on my face than usual but I’m definitely not daydreaming about him in a non-sexual, romantic way. Another man might ‘own’ me in bed, but never out.

This brings me to the most important consideration for couples: why do you want to be a Hotwife? Forget about why a man wants his wife to be one. Whether a woman is going to get emotionally attached to another man or not will depend entirely on why she wants to fuck a man other than her husband. And believe it or not, ‘sexual exploration’ is not entirely the right answer.

Hotwifing is most definitely about giving a woman the chance to explore her sexuality through different sexual partners but it’s important to ensure that there isn’t a larger void that a couple is hoping to fill by inviting a Bull into the bedroom. There’s nothing at all wrong with addressing the need to add more excitement into one’s sex life but it’s worth assessing what exactly that element is before putting that anklet on.

If your partner is keen to try being a Vixen because she’s seeking some form of affirmation that she’s sexy, attractive, interesting and desirable then I would tread carefully. A Vixen should already be confident about her sexual worth either because she has a healthy self-esteem or her husband is always reminding her that she’s a sex goddess. The last thing you want is a Bull making your wife feel good about herself. Emotional attachment may happen if she continually seeks out a Bull’s approval.

A woman may also form an emotional attachment to a Bull if she isn’t wholly fulfilled by her marriage or even life in general. If she is dissatisfied with some aspect of her life or relationship, being with a new person might be a welcome distraction. Unfortunately, it’s not hard to confuse sexual passion with a deeper connection. Such is the power of orgasm! She may start believing that she needs to be with that Bull on a day to day basis. Suddenly, you don’t seem to be her only option as a life partner. Complicated!

Before you throw in the Vixen towel, please keep in mind that couples break up routinely for so many reasons, and it’s not usually because a woman had her mind blown by a BBC. You just need to be mindful and keep the line of communication open at all times. Couples with prior experience in threesomes and swinging will probably find the Hotwifing waters easier to navigate but newbies just need to make sure their life vests are well secured before jumping in.

I have a number of posts here that offer tips and advice on ensuring that couples have a smooth journey with Hotwifing. Please take a look at Thick Hide and Hotwifing Baby Steps.


  1. An excellent piece, measured and well written. This contrasts very much with the many posts and stories on the web that seem to think the point of hotwifing is to humiliate the husband. If that’s what the husband wants I guess it may be OK but it doesn’t suggest a secure foundation that way that your post does. I hope more people read your posts.

    • Hi Rod. Thanks very much. I think things are changing where Cuckolding is an entirely different lifestyle to Hotwifing which most people now view as a Stag/Vixen setup. Cuckolding is very much a real thing and the husband truly loves being humiliated. Some will go as far as allowing their wives to conceive another man’s child (true Cuckolding I guess!). I hope more people read my blog too ๐Ÿ˜… xx

  2. Interesting post. My wife has expressed interest in being a hotwife. She is nervous about not being seen as attractive by other men. She knows that I find her attractive but feels that other men won’t due to her weight. We have been corresponding with a man who is interested in her. He is a tall man which is what she is interested in. Should I be worried about this? She is not confident about her looks but I am constantly telling her that she is a sex goddess.

    • Hi there. I think it will blow her mind initially to have a man other than yourself find her sexually attractive, especially if she’s not used to that sort of attention. She’ll definitely get a boost of confidence which will benefit you both in many ways. There’s no need to worry that she will fall in love with someone who makes her feel sexy but it’s worth keeping a close eye on her Hotwifing progress. Perhaps meet this tall guy first and then get in touch with a few others. Until you get a feel for how your wife takes to Hotwifing, it might be a good idea to avoid getting too close to any one guy. Once you gain more experience, having a regular playfriend won’t be a problem.

    • Hello Mr. Dave I really don’t mean to offend nor contradict Ms. Emma but the fact that your wife doesn’t feel sexy and having another man or men make her feel sexy in my opinion is a problem from the start at lease I think so it’s just my opinion sorry to say for me and my wife it’s irrelevant if he find her sexy or not now in my eye’s if he’s entertaining your wife well he likes something about her all ready and the only thing that should be is SEX that should be enough for your wife all the other stuff is your job as her husband that’s how it works for me and my wife and she will tell me right off the back that she’s not worried about how another guy feels about her as long as he’s not being disrespectful and aggressive toward her and everything should be ok again FOR US it’s only about the SEX along with the obvious things health, safety and no thugs of any race or creed and omg avoid all arrogant A&% holes lol but if your wife is worried about how he feel toward her other then just the sex it’s my belief you run the risk of your wife having some kind of emotional attachment to the man or men because basically she wants to be wooed and truth be told the last woman I wooed became my wife xoxo so enough of me rambling good luck and I say again this is just my opinion and I don’t mean any disrespect

      • Thanks for your input Marc. I have to say that it’s not ideal to enter into Hotwifing with a wife who has a low self-esteem, but in some cases it’s the extra push that women need to remind themselves that they are a sexual being. I love being desired by my husband but it’s another feeling entirely to have other men want you sexually. I think as long as a marriage is solid and the woman feels loved and nourished within it, then I don’t think emotional attachment to Bulls will be an issue. It’s only where there’s some emotional disconnect in the relationship that you might want to keep an eye on things, if not avoid Hotwifing. As for it not mattering if a Bull finds me sexy or not… I have to disagree. Sex is best when you are attracted to a person. There is no way my husband would find it exciting to watch a guy fuck me like I could be anyone. He loves seeing a guy worship me because he genuinely finds me sexy and attractive. If it didn’t matter, we would go to a swingers club and let random men fuck me but that’s not how we Hotwife. Because my husband cares about me and my exploration, he will only let me meet Bulls who want ‘me’, not just my pussy.

  3. I love it! My wife as been growing in her Hotwife-ness. She has been with my close friend about a half dozen times. I was present in three of them. We have a great time! They also have a great time. It was small steps to get here. I hope that maybe she will go beyond him, maybe someone closer to my endowment, heโ€™s a little smaller. I love guys eye fucking her when weโ€™re out. Thank you for your blog and ideas! Please keep up the good work!!!

    • Thanks so much! It’s great to hear from a Hotwifing couple that’s having a ball in the lifestyle. It’s funny you say that as my husband prefers that I find guys who are hung. Having said that, some of my most favourite Bulls have been average sized, if not a touch skinnier than average. The chemistry is just as important as size. Oh! And there’s nothing hotter than knowing your wife is desired by other men ๐Ÿ˜‰ Keep having fun!

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