Hotwifing Baby Steps

Curious about becoming a Hotwife but not quite ‘there’ yet? The idea of being intimate with a man other than your husband may get you hot and bothered, but it’s another thing entirely to actually go through with it. Luckily, there are plenty of fun things you can do to experiment and explore without committing to meeting a guy (yet). I’ll go over a few such Hotwifing baby steps in a mo.

Hotwifing Baby Steps
Really? You’d fuck all of them? Let’s just start with the bartender…

I can’t stress enough that there’s absolutely no need to rush into Hotwifing. Think of it as a process rather than an event. This is especially important if you’re hoping to make it part of your lifestyle for the long term. I know some husbands are super eager and figure diving into the deep end is the best way to start, but women need gentle encouragement to move out of their comfort zone. Right?

Also, women have different reasons for feeling nervous about their first date as a Hotwife. Some women may have trepidation related to their body image, whereas others may grapple with moral issues regarding extra-marital sex. Whatever may be the thing/s that hold you back, try taking some of these Hotwifing baby steps to move forward, or at least answer some questions as to whether Hotwifing is even your thing:

Be a keyboard slut – If you are naturally shy (nevermind with your clothes off) then the internet is your best friend. Coax the inner sex kitten out by showing off as much or as little as you like online. Twitter and Snapchat are full of highly appreciative men who adore women of all ages, shapes and sizes. Trust me. Engage in some raunchy banter and unleash the seductress from the comfort of your lounge room.

Take your own sexy photos – Don’t you hate it when your husband insists on taking sexy nudes after a giant pasta dinner? Get in control and take your own pics! It’s you who needs to feel comfortable with how you’re projected so learn the art of taking sexy selfies. Do it only when it feels fun for you. Spend time working out what poses work best for you and show off your sexiest assets.

Get educated – Worried about jealousy or guilty feelings? I implore you to read up on alternative sexual lifestyles as much as possible. You need to know the good, the bad and the ugly from reliable sources. I’m happy that you’ve found my blog (since you’re reading this), but I’m just one woman experiencing Hotwifing, one way. Check out the many awesome sex blogs at for some weekend reading.

Find a virtual Bull – Jump on an adult dating App or swingers website and start interacting with some single guys. Be upfront about your newbie-status and that you’re only dipping your toes at this stage. Get to know some experienced Bulls. Most will be more than happy to answer sensible questions and respect your need to explore at your own pace. Some may agree to be an online Bull of sorts so you can play the virtual Hotwife until you’re ready to meet someone IRL.

Go window shopping for a Bull – If you’ve been married or partnered to the same man for a while, you probably haven’t checked out other guys in earnest. Yeah we may have filthy fantasies about being tag-teamed by Ryan Gosling and Bill Murray (hey, each to their own!) but what sort of man turns your head out in public? Next time you’re at the supermarket, see if you can find one guy you’d like to fuck. Or, take hubby out for drinks to scope out guys together. It’ll make for a fun night!

Get guys gawking – Surprisingly (though perhaps not) a lot of women feel a little uncomfortable about being sexually attractive to other men. Many prefer to dress down rather than enhance their sexy features. Well, grab your tight skirts and cleavage revealing tops as it’s time to get used to male attention again. You don’t have to go overboard initially, but a nice sweater that accentuates your boobs will get men noticing. Once you catch them staring, you’ll want to do it more and more. As the amazing Dita Von Teese said, there’s empowerment in being objectified so work it, and own it!

Love yourself – By this, I’m not referring to self love, though getting to know your sexual responses is super important too. To have great sex, and truly enjoy being worshiped by a new sexual partner, you need to feel good about yourself. If you haven’t spent much time being good to yourself, take a moment to think about what you’d like to change. It could be something as simple as getting a new hairstyle, or changing your diet and exercise routine. Hotwifing is in itself very good for a woman’s self-esteem but unless you feel confident about yourself, you won’t enjoy the experience as much. Just remember that you are probably your harshest critic so take it easy on yourself. Do something that makes you feel good as men are definitely turned on by happy women.


  1. This advice about baby steps is so good. My girlfriend and I have enjoyed discussing this, and are planning to try window shopping this weekend. Talking about this has introduced a level of intimacy that we haven’t had before, and it’s opened up the conversation about how powerful she feels when she flirts with guys by making eye contact with them. Not only is this a huge turn on for both of us, but it’s a sexy addition to our already satisfying and hot sex life. Thank you for writing this! I’ll let you know how window shopping goes!

  2. I have stumbled across your blog recently and thoroughly enjoying it, over the last couple of months my wife and I have had discussions about this and she had started down the route you had suggested with, having just returned from a few weeks on Cyprus she took flirting to a whole new level for us

    • Hi there. Thanks for your comment and glad you’re enjoying my blog. I think the start of any new adventure is the most exciting so savour all the ‘innocent’ flirting 😉

  3. My wife’s only objection is that she thinks I’ll be mad at her afterwards. We do lots of pillow talk about other guys getting involved – she suggested me getting oral from her while she gets plowed from another guy. She like a little exhibitionism while we go out in public. Any ideas? RedBay, Alabama

    • Hi there. Yeah, I think it takes a while (and sometimes a long while) for a wife to feel completely sure that her husband wants to be in the lifestyle as much as her. Sometimes a Stag can suggest a lot of dirty things he’d like his Vixen to do in the heat of the moment but once he calms down, he might not be as enthusiastic. It’s best to discuss Hotwifing away from the bedroom if you’re serious about it. Your wife will then know that it’s not just you being horny. Perhaps go for a drink and check out some potential Bulls together. Ask her what type of man she’d like to bring home. Just have some open conversations about the lifestyle, including why you like the idea of it. I think she sounds interested so it shouldn’t be hard to get into Hotwifing once she knows where you’re coming from as well.

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