How to Train a Hotwife

When I wrote my semi-ranty piece about Hotwife Training earlier this year, I had completely underestimated the earnest desire of men who wanted to get their partners interested in Hotwifing. I initially assumed these husbands were solely motivated by their own sexual proclivities but as I discovered more about the lifestyle, I’ve come to understand that many men are solely spurred on by the excitement of watching their partner explore her sexuality. In my book, that earns a huge thumbs up.

How to Train a Hotwife

I personally never needed ‘training’ so you could call me a Natural Born Hotwife, but I still needed a little encouragement here and there. Based on our experience in the lifestyle overall, I think I’ve got a fair idea of what makes a woman want to experience the pleasure of other men.

With that in mind, I’ve listed some points on how to train a Hotwife. Before I go on though, I should mention that these points are more useful for those seeking a Stag/Vixen dynamic of Hotwifing, as opposed to Cuckolding. The latter deserves a separate post which I’ll look at writing some time. Cucks-to-be may wish to visit The Cuckold Consultant in the meantime.

Also, each point just about needs its own post so if you find this overview useful, please let me know and I’ll extrapolate!

What is your motivation?

It’s important to ask yourself why you want to see your wife have sex with other men. If your reason has anything to do with feelings of sexual inadequacy and you don’t want to become a cuckold, then I urge you to address those personal issues before entertaining Hotwifing. I would also to some extent suggest the same thing if you are experiencing other sexual issues with your partner, be it mismatched sex drives or lack of sexual intimacy. If however your desire is to see another man pleasure your wife, and her deriving pleasure from that, then Hotwifing will be a very fulfilling lifestyle for both of you (both being the operative word).

What are her views on sex?

There is no point dropping the Hotwife bomb on your wife if your current sex life is conservative. Whether through religious indoctrination or cultural upbringing, if your wife has strong traditional views on sex and marriage, it will be an uphill battle. The only proverbial light at the end of the tunnel is if she is naturally horny and loves sex. No ancient book can suppress a strong sex drive forever! If you are fairly confident that your wife would enjoy exploring the pleasure of one or more extra cocks then it’s something you can work with. If not, I would start closer to home and spice up your one-on-one sex life first.

Nurture the sex goddess within

I’ve personally had many phases of feeling unsexy and dowdy and it’s taken time to lure the sex goddess out to play. For many women, it’s entirely normal to feel negative about themselves sexually, particularly if motherhood and/or work life saps every last shred of energy from them. Female sexuality easily gets shelved so if you want your wife to feel sexy, you need to help her find time to feel sexy. Make sure she has that one hour during the weekend to enjoy herself, whether that’s through running her a bath or setting up a reading area for her to sit down with some good music and wine, and perhaps a naughty novel. Don’t pressure her to have sex during this time. It’s all about her. If the sex goddess comes out and wants to play with you (and your hot Brazilian neighbour), then that’s a bonus.

Sell the adventure

The tricky part of Hotwife Training is convincing your wife why she should get on board. What’s in it for her? Think of all the reasons why your partner may want to have sex with another man. Some Hotwives simply love the thrill of the hunt with new prey. Others love being watched by their husbands. Most women want to explore sexually to some extent (how else did 50 Shades sell so well?) so all you need to do is find out how you can enhance the desire to explore. If your partner is turned on by other men looking at her then tell her you love that she gets attention from other men. If she enjoys sexy lingerie then buy her a new set and when she tries it on, say that she deserves to be admired by more than just you. This just might lead to naughty photo sharing on Twitter, and then some.

Facilitate but let her take charge

If your partner starts to show interest in Hotwifing then it’s indeed a positive step but don’t get carried away yet. Before you start arranging a team of BBC to service your curious wife, let her know that she’s fully in control. It’s up to her how she wants to pursue things and with whom. If all she wants to do is go to a busy bar and be left alone for other men to approach her, then work with that. Strange men flirting with her may be the impetus to her wanting to take things further. All your wife needs to know is that you’re supportive of her fulfilling her desires, as tame as they may be initially, and that you’ll be her wingman no matter what.

Reassure your wife that you love her

At some point your partner may wonder why you’re so eager for her to sleep with other men. She may interpret your enthusiasm as relief that she’ll be having sex elsewhere and you no longer need to be physical with her. Alternatively, she may suspect that you’re setting yourself up to have your own guilt-free tryst with other women. To avoid these nasty snags in your mission to train a Hotwife, nip these at the bud. Before you venture into any Hotwifing activity, reassure her that this journey is about her sexual exploration and not yours. Explain that her exploration is a deeply exciting sexual experience for you too. Let her know that she’s cherished and loved every step of the way and ensure that you maintain your own sexual relationship too.

Be patient. Hotwives don’t emerge overnight.

As much as you may want a magical potion that drives your wife insane with lust for other men, there is no such thing. You need to remind yourself that the best outcome will arise from a gradual introduction to the lifestyle. A booze-feulled night with your partner banged senseless by a group of anonymous men may lead to feelings of guilt and self-loathing for days or weeks afterwards. If she harboured some mistrust of the lifestyle in the first place, then it’s especially vital that her experiences are all positive. Your goal is to sow the seed successfully first and be patient enough to reap the big rewards later.



  1. Dearest Emma,
    We (my wife and I) are brand new to the ‘shared wife’ lifestyle. She has not had an ‘adventure’ has of this date. We communicate very well and honestly together, sex life is wonderful, we have a strong, loving life together.
    What is your best advice, please….for 1) Starting 2) Meeting ‘the guy’ 3) Any other advice you can give.
    One note, wife has found an old ‘friend’ a guy that had a two night stand with some 20 plus years ago. She reached out to him on Facebook. They have been texted for about 2 months (he lives some 800 miles away) he’s ‘unhappily married’ so he says. Wife told him (I have listened to the 2 calls they’ve had and i have read all the texts) she is very happily married.
    He has hinted at flying in to see her, they have not had the sex talk; my wife says she doesn’t want to embarrass herself, by opening the subject first, she wants him to start the sex talk first, which I can understand. She says once he says ‘something’ about sex or says he’s coming to see her she will tell him she as ‘hallpass’, from me. So….we’ll see how he responds to that information……
    Emma, you are ‘the pro’ in these matters and I would like to very much to know your take and your advice. Thank you.
    Also I enjoy reading your site very much.

    • Hi Tony. Thanks for your comment and sorry for the late reply. I’m wondering if you’ve already pursued a meeting with your wife’s old flame? If not, I personally feel that it’s best to start with a blank canvas and meet a guy that you both haven’t known previously. Twenty years is a long time between drinks and the sex may not go as planned and I’d hate for that to affect how your wife feels about the lifestyle. You can read my blog post about a similar situation I went through earlier this year. Anyway, I have definitely enjoyed encounters more with new guys since 🙂 If however your wife really feels more comfortable starting out with someone she already knows then I can appreciate that too. If you have an honest and trusting relationship then you can certainly try. The friend however needs to understand that it’s not an affair she’s suggesting and that you’re simply sharing her with him for her pleasure. Even if you’re not there, you need to be present, if that makes sense? He may find the whole scenario a little confronting so if it gets messy in any way (he starts suggesting conditions etc.), abandon ship and find an experienced ‘Bull’ or playfriend. I’ll definitely post more articles about starting out in the coming month.

      • Dear, Emma,
        I thank you so very much for the sound advice. Looking forward to reading some more of your articles and adventures.
        Thank you again and best to you, Tony

  2. Hey Tony

    Curious to know if you and your wife have had an experience yet?

    Please let me know, trying hard myself with no luck 🙁


  3. So did this happen? I just came across this site while researching for my own wife. I have a few questions as well. Is Emma still writing her blogs?

    • Did what happen? I think you’ll find many of your questions are answered via other posts. Have a good read 🙂 Yes, I am still active.

  4. Well i am muslim and its very tough even to ask my wife to flirt with males any advise how i can bring mosr conservative wife to cuck lifestyle

    • I can imagine. It’s not impossible for a woman who comes from a conservative upbringing to become a Hotwife but it depends on how much she enjoys sex in general. If her upbringing has affected how she views sex then there’s a lot of work to do. I think it’s easier to spend time exploring together first before introducing other people into the bedroom.

  5. hi Emma i enjoyed this i have been a hotwife for 1 1/2 years we both love it i have found i love bbc the most and when with three men is a real thrill

    • Well I guess what you see in porn may be viewed as fantasy but on the other hand, I have certainly enacted some scenes that appear in porn LOL
      Many people fantasise about Hotwifing, and many people realise it.

  6. Hi Emma
    First of all thank you for your insight.
    My wife and I have had several experiences in hotwifing. Its been a rollercoaster ride for sure. We had a lot of negative experiences that gave us a bad taste for the lifestyle. We only talk about it while having sex like pillow talk. I have been patient looking for guys on the net. But she is still hesitant to start back up. Any suggestions?

    • Hi there! Thanks for visiting. I think after some bad experiences it’s important to look for quality and even if it takes months, don’t settle for the first few guys that are interested. Use some of the better adult dating platforms (like SDC in the US) and single out a few guys for a chat. Get to know the guys a little before suggesting a meet. When you do meet, just organise it to be a social one. Just drinks and a little flirting. Be prepared for things not panning out (even decent guys will bail on a play date for various reasons) so ensure you’re having a few good conversations with a few other guys. This is just as much an exercise in gaining experience and confidence as it is to actually find guys to meet.

  7. Emma, I really love your writing. I feel like I have covered all of the bases you mentioned in this article except one.
    We have discussed this for years. I have let her know that I want this for her. That I want her to explore, not me. Ive let her know that she is my goddess. Ive told her over the years that I love the idea of watching her and sharing her.
    She goes back and forth about her interest. But she is adamant that if she agrees that it be about her being subservient to me. I know some men will think that’s hot. But I worry about it. Your list included letting her take charge. She doesn’t want that. So I feel guilty about pushing her.

    • Thank you! I hope to keep writing more from now on 😀 It’s good that you respect your wife and want to make sure she is in charge, but I can understand where she’s coming from too. I prefer being a shared wife in that my husband actively ‘lets’ other men share me. He calls the shots and that’s fine by me. Other than being turned on by being given permission, it’s reassuring that if he’s encouraging me to play, then he’s in the mood too. Maybe start out by finding a nice guy (whether you play or not is not important), and tell your wife that you’re going out for drinks with him (you can pretend he’s a new client etc. lol) and she should dress sexily as you want to show her off to him and other men. I think she’ll like the idea of being admired by other men which might later make her think about the next step 😉

    • Hey there. It’s interesting that a dominant wife doesn’t automatically mean that she will want Bulls or anything other than a monogamous relationship. In that sense, I think you’re in the same situation as other couples in that respect and will have to see if other men hold enough appeal to her to seek them out for sex. Good luck! Fantasy Bull sounds fun tho 😀

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