Is He Better Than Me?

I always aim to be honest about Hotwifing, whether to highlight how sexually rewarding the lifestyle is, or to bring to light some of the negative aspects of sharing one’s wife. Unfortunately, anything that involves sex can come with a free ride on the emotional roller-coaster of jealousy and insecurity. This will definitely be the case for men who enter the Hotwifing arena with a lack of confidence about their sexual prowess.

Is He Better Than MeWorrying about whether a Bull is a better lover or not isn’t at all uncommon. It’s a valid concern, though I feel in most cases the fear of being deemed a dud is completely unfounded. Still, unless a husband is a cuckold, it’s not sexy to think his wife Hotwifes because the sex is better away from home. Hotwifing should be a mutually beneficial and pleasurable adventure for both partners so like anything, concerns about being sexually compared should be discussed before inviting over that BBC.

So I thought I’d explore this specific concern after a reader posed some questions to me about Hotwifing late last year. He had a strong belief that sex was the most important and sacred thing between a couple, and to share it outside of the marriage made their relationship less special. Naturally, I shot that idea right down but once I understood where some of his misgivings were coming from, it made sense as to why some husbands are very reluctant to share their wives. What if the grass is greener next door and she won’t come home?

Before I continue, I’m going put this chestnut out there: Not better. Different. It’s an important delineation to make in Hotwifing and swinging. The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s simply different. That difference can be positive or negative, or neither. It’s just entirely different. Also, the other important thing to keep in mind is that it’s the sex, and not the Bull, that should be assessed. For me, the same Bull can provide amazing sex or mediocre sex depending on my mood, the weather in Tokyo, or how close Venus is aligned with Mars.

Remember. Not Better. Different. And different is why people enjoy non-monogamy. Now on to the questions:

“If a man allows his wife to have sex with another man and he’s a much better lover than the husband doesn’t that put a kink or divide between the couple?”

There are couples who specifically enter into a Hotwifing arrangement because both partners have come to the consensus that unfortunately, the husband isn’t sexually satisfying his wife. This can be because of his erectile dysfunction (caused by physical or mental health issues), not enjoying or ‘getting’ sex, disinterest in sex, or simply being incompetent at fucking. There are numerous other reasons but if a couple deliberately seeks out a man to provide a better sexual experience for the wife then that is entirely their business.

For other couples, Hotwifing simply enhances an already healthy and enriched sex life. New Stags just need to be mindful that his partner is bound to get cock-struck by her first Bull, especially if the sex was good. It’s only natural to be affected by a new and different experience. Is the Bull a better lover than her Stag? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s immaterial because the sex she has with a playfriend is recreational. It’s meant to be good and fun. As long as a couple communicates those concepts with each other, there’s no reason having good sex outside of the marital home will lead to a ‘kink or divide’.

“Would you ever tell your husband that the man you just slept with was much better or much larger than him? Or that he hits spots the husband can never touch?”

It’s up to each Hotwifing couple as to how much information is shared between them. Cuckolds love to be told every detail and be reminded about how much better other men are than them. I hazard to guess that no Stag wants to be told outright that a Bull is a better lover, but on the other hand, a Hotwife isn’t seeking a better lover. She’s in the lifestyle for different sexy experiences. Would she tell her husband that the sex she had was amazing? Sure! A good Stag would want to know that, and if he’s the type to stay on for MFM action then it’s going to be obvious anyway!

As for dick size, I don’t know of Stags who are so self-conscious of their own size so as to prevent their partner from experiencing monster cocks, if that’s what she wanted to try. I certainly don’t think Stags want their sexy partner to deliberately choose men with micro penises, unless of course that’s what she wants, or the Unhung Hero can bring something else to the table. And yes, certain lengths or girths are going to ‘hit’ the spot for some women but again, if a Stag is that insecure, he shouldn’t be in the game. Having your cervix tickled isn’t better. It’s different. Starting to see what I mean?

“What does telling him that a Bull was better do in the husband’s mind? Or do you keep it to yourself and think of him while you’re with your husband, and having sex with him?”

I’m not going to lie. Occasionally a Bull will absolutely blow me away and put me on Cloud Nine for days. However, my husband will usually be aware if I’ve had an exceptionally good time since he was either present or because I tell him that I’d like to see the same guy again. He won’t take that to mean that the Bull was a better lover: just that he’s worth putting in the effort to meet again because the sex is likely to be good. I’m certainly not in the Hotwifing game for mediocre sex!

I can only speak for myself but I very rarely fantasise about someone else while I’m having sex. The only exception was when a guy who joined us one time was a dead ringer for Jake Gyllenhaal, so… yeah… I also don’t really think about any specific guy while masturbating. I may think about the sex but it’s not particular things about the Bull himself that gets me off. I have to say though, Hotwives may not necessarily fantasise about Bulls, but many ordinary women do fantasise about ex-boyfriends, neighbours, celebs etc. In short, I wouldn’t get hung up on what your partner may or may not be thinking about during sex.

“Once someone else has had sex with your wife are you then trying to out do them? Is it as fulfilling as it once was?”

Most Stags don’t see Bulls as competition. That’s not the objective of Hotwifing. A confident husband who is secure in his relationship doesn’t need to ‘out do’ some 25-year-old stud with an 8-inch penis that doesn’t have a low energy mode. He knows that the sex is just a different form of fun for his wife. Truth be told, it’s a relief for some Stags to know they can get someone else to run a marathon while they enjoy a brisk walk or leisurely jog later on.

I think I can speak for all Hotfwing couples in saying that being shared makes the relationship more fulfilling and enriched on the whole. Sex lives can become stagnant over the years and for many couples, the effort to invigorate it gets harder and harder. Hotwifing is a fun journey for both partners and since no two adventures are ever the same (even with the same playfriend), it provides an opportunity for a couple to learn, explore and communicate. What can be more fulfilling than that?


  1. Not better. Different.

    I love that concept. We’ve never shared or had sex with anyone else. I’ve wanted Margo to have a better experience than I could give her… otherwise, what’s the point. I see now the point is having something different.

    I always love your articles Emma thanks.


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