As a general rule, I have only ever received positive feedback and encouragement from my readers and followers in regards to being a shared wife. But hey. What’s life without someone occasionally telling you that what you’re doing is wrong, right? It’s actually quite refreshing to be reminded that some people enjoy monogamy, and rightly so. It’s one valid and wonderful way to enjoy a relationship. Just not the only way.
I decided to reply to this comment in a post as it does bring up a number of opinions that I feel are shared by people outside of the non-monogamous lifestyle. I’m not out to prove those opinions wrong (‘cos opinions are neither right nor wrong) but to add my views to some pro-monogamy sentiments. Also, I don’t feel this guy has a particularly broad understanding of Hotwifing, or even of relationships in general so I’ll take this as an opportunity to clarify that a non-monogamous marriage is just as committed as a monogamous one.
My intention here isn’t to belittle monogamy by any means. I think it’s great that this guy views sex as special and I truly hope he finds a partner who will want sex (only with him) as much as he does for the entire length of their marriage, even after children, bouts of ill health, periods of stress and other challenges that all committed couples face. It’s rare, but not impossible. After all, if my husband and I decide to stop Hotwifing, we’d still be together. That’s a given and the reason why we can do what we do.
So here goes!
“I still can not understand why or how a couple can be married and ‘in love’ with each other but give the best part of them to someone else.”
Is sex the best thing we bring to a marriage? Is that the most important thing we offer to our spouse? Couples usually fall in love for the more important qualities needed to sustain a long term relationship. Sex unfortunately can come and go in a marriage but honesty, respect, friendship and trust are what keep two people together for the long game. They are certainly the qualities I reserve for my husband. Sex is just fun and some games are best played with more than one or two players.
“Love-making is the only thing we have that’s special, secret and just between us. No one else shares the special bond we have when we make love.”
Yes, love-making is special but it’s just one manifestation of our sexual needs. We share that emotional aspect of sex with people we love. For those not indoctrinated so, sex is a raw and primal urge. Sex can be had for mental and/or physical gratification only. It should be fun, and as dirty, nasty and sexy as a person wants it to be. I applaud you for wanting sex to be all about love but it isn’t wrong to want other types of sex with other people.
“Once a wife (or husband) has sex with someone else there is nothing at all that makes the marriage special. Nothing that the wife and husband can do that sets them apart as a couple.”
No, all it does is make the marriage non-monogamous. A marriage isn’t special because it’s monogamous or non-monogamous. It’s special because two people make it work in spite of all the difficulties they face in a marriage. Having mutual love and respect that is abundantly clear for all to see (even after twenty years) is what sets that couple apart.
“If any man can fuck your wife then she’s not yours at all.”
Gahhh! Read my blog… I can fuck any man who my husband and I choose. He and I are a team.
“Marriage is a sacred bond between two people. Once the couple loses that bond then it really isn’t marriage but simply friends with benefits or roommates.”
Marriage is only sacred if whatever value system (ie – religion) you follow decrees it so. For me, marriage is bringing together two people to create a family. There are plenty of married couples who don’t have sex with each other (or other people) but remain together because there’s love and friendship between them that they don’t want to replace. How a couple conducts their sexual relationship is their business and doesn’t define their marriage.
“Why even be married if you’re just gonna screw whomever you want? It tells the spouse ‘you’re simply not enough for me’. Moreover, the husband is not even allowed to touch his wife because the boyfriend won’t allow it.”
This is a huge indication that you don’t understand what the non-monogamous lifestyle is all about. The decision to ‘screw whoever they want’ isn’t a one-sided process. You are simply seeing sex as the only benefit when you haven’t considered that for some couples, there’s so much more to be gained from extending their sex life beyond just the two key players.
A Hotwife rarely seeks out sex with other men because her Stag isn’t enough for her. She enjoys the sexual empowerment that comes from seducing other men and her husband loves coming along for that wild ride. To be blunt, many of us just like having more than one cock to play with. If you are referring to Cuckold/Hotwife relationships then that is a far more complex lifestyle for what I feel you’re willing to spend the time understanding. Trust me, there are Cucks who love being told they can’t touch their wives by the Bull.
“Worse is when a husband is left in a sexless marriage while the wife is free to fuck whomever she wants.”
There are also many women left at home while their husband cheats because they’ve sadly lost interest in sex. Some women are even grateful that their husbands seek out mistresses because they hate sex and the relationship lacks the honesty to work out why. You’re assuming that a marriage involves delicious love-making 24-7-365 for 20+ years. It doesn’t. A sexless marriage can indeed lead to cheating but a Hotwifing couple are already having great sex with each other. My husband and I have regular sex. What I do with other men is like adding a different spice to an already great recipe: it’s merely an enhancement.