Is Hotwifing Wrong?

As a general rule, I have only ever received positive feedback and encouragement from my readers and followers in regards to being a shared wife. But hey. What’s life without someone occasionally telling you that what you’re doing is wrong, right? It’s actually quite refreshing to be reminded that some people enjoy monogamy, and rightly so. It’s one valid and wonderful way to enjoy a relationship. Just not the only way.

Is Hotwifing Wrong?
We look so happy and committed that people think we’re monogamous!

I decided to reply to this comment in a post as it does bring up a number of opinions that I feel are shared by people outside of the non-monogamous lifestyle. I’m not out to prove those opinions wrong (‘cos opinions are neither right nor wrong) but to add my views to some pro-monogamy sentiments. Also, I don’t feel this guy has a particularly broad understanding of Hotwifing, or even of relationships in general so I’ll take this as an opportunity to clarify that a non-monogamous marriage is just as committed as a monogamous one.

My intention here isn’t to belittle monogamy by any means. I think it’s great that this guy views sex as special and I truly hope he finds a partner who will want sex (only with him) as much as he does for the entire length of their marriage, even after children, bouts of ill health, periods of stress and other challenges that all committed couples face. It’s rare, but not impossible. After all, if my husband and I decide to stop Hotwifing, we’d still be together. That’s a given and the reason why we can do what we do.

So here goes!

“I still can not understand why or how a couple can be married and ‘in love’ with each other but give the best part of them to someone else.”

Is sex the best thing we bring to a marriage? Is that the most important thing we offer to our spouse? Couples usually fall in love for the more important qualities needed to sustain a long term relationship. Sex unfortunately can come and go in a marriage but honesty, respect, friendship and trust are what keep two people together for the long game. They are certainly the qualities I reserve for my husband. Sex is just fun and some games are best played with more than one or two players.

“Love-making is the only thing we have that’s special, secret and just between us. No one else shares the special bond we have when we make love.”

Yes, love-making is special but it’s just one manifestation of our sexual needs. We share that emotional aspect of sex with people we love. For those not indoctrinated so, sex is a raw and primal urge. Sex can be had for mental and/or physical gratification only. It should be fun, and as dirty, nasty and sexy as a person wants it to be. I applaud you for wanting sex to be all about love but it isn’t wrong to want other types of sex with other people.

“Once a wife (or husband) has sex with someone else there is nothing at all that makes the marriage special. Nothing that the wife and husband can do that sets them apart as a couple.”

No, all it does is make the marriage non-monogamous. A marriage isn’t special because it’s monogamous or non-monogamous. It’s special because two people make it work in spite of all the difficulties they face in a marriage. Having mutual love and respect that is abundantly clear for all to see (even after twenty years) is what sets that couple apart.

“If any man can fuck your wife then she’s not yours at all.”

Gahhh! Read my blog… I can fuck any man who my husband and I choose. He and I are a team.

“Marriage is a sacred bond between two people. Once the couple loses that bond then it really isn’t marriage but simply friends with benefits or roommates.”

Marriage is only sacred if whatever value system (ie – religion) you follow decrees it so. For me, marriage is bringing together two people to create a family. There are plenty of married couples who don’t have sex with each other (or other people) but remain together because there’s love and friendship between them that they don’t want to replace. How a couple conducts their sexual relationship is their business and doesn’t define their marriage.

“Why even be married if you’re just gonna screw whomever you want? It tells the spouse ‘you’re simply not enough for me’. Moreover, the husband is not even allowed to touch his wife because the boyfriend won’t allow it.”

This is a huge indication that you don’t understand what the non-monogamous lifestyle is all about. The decision to ‘screw whoever they want’ isn’t a one-sided process. You are simply seeing sex as the only benefit when you haven’t considered that for some couples, there’s so much more to be gained from extending their sex life beyond just the two key players.

A Hotwife rarely seeks out sex with other men because her Stag isn’t enough for her. She enjoys the sexual empowerment that comes from seducing other men and her husband loves coming along for that wild ride. To be blunt, many of us just like having more than one cock to play with. If you are referring to Cuckold/Hotwife relationships then that is a far more complex lifestyle for what I feel you’re willing to spend the time understanding. Trust me, there are Cucks who love being told they can’t touch their wives by the Bull.

“Worse is when a husband is left in a sexless marriage while the wife is free to fuck whomever she wants.”

There are also many women left at home while their husband cheats because they’ve sadly lost interest in sex. Some women are even grateful that their husbands seek out mistresses because they hate sex and the relationship lacks the honesty to work out why. You’re assuming that a marriage involves delicious love-making 24-7-365 for 20+ years. It doesn’t. A sexless marriage can indeed lead to cheating but a Hotwifing couple are already having great sex with each other. My husband and I have regular sex. What I do with other men is like adding a different spice to an already great recipe: it’s merely an enhancement.


  1. That was my comment. My wife and I are going on 30 years together. We are 100% devoted to and in love w each other and neither of us enjoy the thought of having sex w someone else. We belong to each other because we honor our vows of “forsaking all others”. Our sex life is as good if not better than when we were young minus the active and athletic bodies and endurance as we had in our youth . Other than that we explore each other, find new ways to please each other etc. we are definitely not in a stale marriage.
    Although we don’t have sex 24/7/365 we aren’t lacking at all. We don’t need or want others
    Again I’ll never be able to understand how you do it. I’d be absolutely torn apart if my wife wanted someone else….absolutely devastated. She’s my one and only and I desire no other woman.
    But hey…you do what you do and we’ll do what we do.
    And to be clear my comment wasn’t to ridicule or meant to be disrespectful

    • Hi there. I’m glad you wrote in. I didn’t take your comment as ridiculing or disrespectful, but I did wonder if you perhaps lacked understanding of how non-monogamous couples ‘do what we do’. I also got the feeling that you’re firm in your belief that sex is something you do with someone you love, which in principle, I am totally down with. What I did want to challenge was the notion that sexual fidelity is what makes a marriage work because that’s not true. ‘Forsaking all others’ is something my husband and I take seriously too but we don’t include sex in that ode to commitment because it’s not what’s important to us. As much as you may not agree, being sexually faithful isn’t what keeps you and your wife together. You’re faithful to your wife because you want to be, but you married her because you love her for everything that she is. Take sex out of the equation and you’ll find your marriage is no more or less committed than that of an average swinging couple. In fact, the most dysfunctional couples I’ve met are sexually faithful to each other but really only because they signed a piece of paper. I think it’s wonderful to have someone in your life that you want to reserve love-making for and I would never suggest that monogamy is wrong. I just believe sexual fidelity shouldn’t be demanded as a condition of marriage. It’s an agreement made between two people, just as two people can agree to extend their sex life outside of marriage. Twenty years on, I don’t want anyone else other than my husband in my life. Our marriage is a perfect piece of pie but we both agree that life’s too short to not add some whipped cream to it occasionally.

      • As i said we’ve been together right at 30 years. We’ve dealt w all kinds of grief in one form or another. You mentioned removing sex from marriage. I had an accident and broke my back. Several surgeries later has left me w ED problems. For nearly 2 years, before I found meds that worked, I could not make love to her in the sense of penetration. But it did not hinder our marriage. So I agree that sex isn’t everything but it’s a part of sharing ourselves w each in a way that no one else can. In the time I couldn’t perform neither of us ever thought about her seeking that need elsewhere. As much as I wanted to fulfill her need I couldn’t but there’s no way I could have sat by and either watched her or allowed her to go get it from someone else. And I know with all my heart she wouldn’t have wanted it from anyone else.
        I see your point though and if it works for you then that’s great . But it just isn’t something I could ever do. When I watch videos of “hot wifing” or sharing etc I have a knotty feeling in my stomach. I feel for the husbands when the wife starts comparing her lover to her husband or telling the husband he can’t perform like her lover etc. My question is this, I guess, if a man allows his wife to have sex w another man and he’s a much better lover than the husband doesn’t that put a kink or divide between the couple? Would you ever tell your husband that the man you just slept with was much better or much larger than him? Or that he hits spots the husband can never touch? What does that do in the husbands mind? Or do you keep it to yourself and think of him while you’re with your husband? Does she then think of the lover when she and the husband are having sex? Does it play mind tricks on the husband while they’re having sex w him wondering if he’s as good as the last guy or if he’s making his wife feel as good? Is jealously an issue? Those are questions I think I have. Once someone else has had sex w your wife are you then trying to out do them? Is it as fulfilling as it once was? Same for the wife. Does she wonder if the husband was better for the other woman? Does she then try to out do the other lover he had? What happens if one of them breaks any rules they may have set? What happens with unwanted pregnancies from the one of the other lovers? How does the husband go from making love to his wife to eventually the “cleanup” guy? How does a man just let another man take over his place as the wife’s lover and hubby just ends up never having sex or able to please himself or ends up in a chastity device?
        I have many questions about this and I think that’s where My problems come into play. Not that I’d want to try it, I’m just very curious about it all.
        I thank you for this conversation and being cordial about it. I’ve asked these questions on many videos of wife sharing and no one gives me an answer. They just delete my questions /comments leading me to believe that it’s not as fun as they make make it out to be.
        You’re the first person to talk with me about this. Again, thank you.

        • I’m sorry to hear that you had some very difficult moments in life. Situations like that truly test a marriage or relationship. I can only suggest that you read my post Why Hotwifing is Awesome which I wrote after being contacted by a terminally ill gentleman who truly wanted a way for his wife to continue enjoying sex while he too can be a part of that as much as his health allowed. This couple formed a great friendship with their playfriend and it’s a great example of why Hotwifing can be a rewarding lifestyle. I do also hear from husbands who want to try Hotwifing because they feel they can’t satisfy their wives enough or best, which does make me wonder if that’s a good reason to try it. But horses for courses. I think it’s best that you read some of my posts if you are interested enough. It sounds like you got most of your education from porn, which isn’t exactly the best source of information. The majority of Hotwifing porn involves Cuckolding and I feel they are mostly geared towards guys who have the fantasy of fucking cheating wives. As is always the case, it’s best to watch porn with a grain of salt. Cuckolding is very much a thing though, but as I am not part of a Hotwife/Cuckold couple, I can’t really answer too many questions about it. The Cuckold Consultant is a great source of info about that lifestyle. Like some men and women enjoy being whipped for sexual kicks, some men simply get off on being humiliated sexually. You did bring up a great topic though, which is the fear of other men being better lovers, which I’ll cover in a post soon. I’ll try and answer some of your other questions in another post too. I’m sorry that no one else has taken the time to answer your (many) questions. They are very much valid questions to ask but some people probably don’t want to consider the reality some of the answers may reveal.

        • Actually, I’ll answer some of the Qs here:
          What happens if one of them breaks any rules they may have set?
          Well, what happens if your wife promises not to spend any more money on shoes but she ends up buying another expensive pair, even though it means not having enough money for something more important? You get over the anger and talk it over. Agree to not do it again or find a compromise that suits both parties. For a lot of couples in both swinging and Hotwifing, the lifestyle has a steep learning curve. Mistakes happen so it’s best to go into it being prepared for that and being willing to discuss things one or both partners aren’t happy about.

          What happens with unwanted pregnancies from the one of the other lovers?
          Hmmm… I have heard of some situations where pregnancies have occurred accidentally and well, I think in most cases those pregnancies are not completed. It’s actually rare though. In my case, I don’t bareback guys and I am still on birth control. There are of course subset of Hotwifing/Cuckold couples who deliberately get pregnant to Bulls but that is next level stuff.

          How does the husband go from making love to his wife to eventually the “cleanup” guy?
          Again, some men just absolutely love cleaning up. I personally don’t get it but it’s not my place to pass judgement. Keep in mind that many Hotwife/Cuck couples have regular love-making sessions but play their roles at other times as part of their kink.

          How does a man just let another man take over his place as the wife’s lover and hubby just ends up never having sex or able to please himself or ends up in a chastity device?
          I’m not sure how often this happens outside of porn to be honest but I do believe that some Cucks are deeply into humiliation and will go to some serious extremes.

  2. You know opinions are like rectums. Everyone has one and they all stink. I do not ridicule anyone who embraces exclusive marital fidelity. What I do not want to see is those who do forcing their will upon me by enacting draconian laws making what I do and what my wife does illegal. I respect your belie/s but please respect mine too.

Share your thoughts