Kissing Etiquette

It’s the most natural way for two people who dig each other to engage yet in the recreational sex scene, this one simple act is sometimes anything but. You can suck all the cock you want or squirt a small lake without offending anyone, but locking lips too enthusiastically? I do recall one or two couples ending up in tears over a kiss that was longer than what was apparently appropriate at a swingers party.

Kissing Etiquette
Can’t you just go down on me already?

For most of us, a passionate snog is an obvious precursor (if not a mandatory one) to having further fun between the sheets but kissing is not necessarily on everyone’s sex menu. In fact, some people prefer to bypass ‘first base’ and head straight for the home run. So kiss or don’t kiss? What is the kissing etiquette between people who want to fuck each other but nothing more?

Typically those who opt out of kissing or offer it as a lukewarm token gesture before sex are simply setting boundaries. I doubt they actually hate kissing but they reserve it for people they really, really like. While bumping uglies can be a purely carnal act that doesn’t require real intimacy, kissing is literally two people face-to-face, with nowhere to hide. If you’re not 100% into your sexual partner, or know how your partner might feel seeing you kiss someone else, it’s just safer to employ your mouth elsewhere.

Kissing etiquette for Hotwifing is pretty much as you’d expect for a regular date. If the vibe’s right, then kissing will come naturally. It’s probably safe to assume that most Hotwives enjoy some mood-building snogging but if ever unsure, ask before you swoop in. There will be a minority who have the no-kiss rule in effect but you’ll likely get the heads up well before you get nasty. As a basic guide, what a Hotwife makes a beeline for at the get-go is what she wants. If she unzips your fly and gives you a mouth hug, kissing isn’t what gets her off.

If it isn’t on the forbidden activities list, kiss as you would normally. However, be mindful that if you have a Stag who wants to watch (or film the action) then having his Vixen’s face smothered by a Bull’s isn’t as hot as watching her greedily stuff his erect penis into her mouth. A Stag and Vixen often enjoy eye contact during play too, so continuous kissing might distract from that. I guess with anything, moderation is key. If kissing is the thing that gets you extra hard, then help yourself as needed but keep the above points in mind to ensure everyone gets what they want.

As for me personally, I can definitely enjoy sex without a lot of kissing involved, especially if the situation is more ‘dirty sexy’ versus ‘erotic sexy’. For instance, during last minute play sessions with a new guy (or guys) where I haven’t really had the chance to build a rapport with him, kissing won’t feel natural nor be what arouses me. Even with a Bull I see semi-regularly, we’ll kiss to warm up but the bulk of our play is hard fucking in various positions that don’t have us face-to-face that much.

Of course, this isn’t to say that I don’t love kissing, however I’ve mostly enjoyed it with playfriends who I’ve had amazing chemistry with. Two guys who come to mind both asked if it was OK to kiss me after a great first date. Although sex was the motive for meeting, their eagerness to kiss me was breathtakingly hot. A good kissing session does admittedly lead to the sort of erotic sex that leaves me up in the clouds for days afterwards.

So in short, if kissing isn’t a prerequisite to getting your rocks off, then getting involved with a Hotwife who doesn’t kiss won’t be a problem. Guys who really get off on kissing may need to specifically find a Hotwife who wants to return the favour but it’s also a good idea to consider what a Hotwife’s husband wants to see, if he’s involved in the fun. For most part though, Hotwifing is about having good sexy fun so as long as respect and common sense are applied, no one is likely to get put out.

Ahh! And kissing etiquette outside of the sexual context? For me, if a guy is:

  • Greeting me before a date out in public – I appreciate a discreet kiss on the cheek. It’s too hard to explain a mouth kiss with a strange man to someone who recognises me!
  • Greeting me before a date in a private setting – Then feel free to give me a kiss that tells me exactly what you’ve got on your mind.
  • Parting ways with me after a date in public – Then a kiss on the cheek and a hug is fine. If we find a secluded spot, then I’m open to a lot more.
  • Parting ways with me after a play session – I’ll let a guy do what he feels comfortable doing. Most feel a kiss on the cheek is appropriate but no physical gesture at all leaves me cold. I’ll admit that I give a Brownie point to guys who still want to kiss on the mouth and passionately AFTER sex.

Now that makes me want to call them again!



  1. Gotta say, enjoying hell out of this blog. It’s helped me familiarize myself with the ever-evolving terminology (I’m most definitely an alpha stag). But I have to say, watching my bride make out with her play thing is extremely hot. To each their own, but by all means, I know she’s a kiss freak and it’s an absolute high octane boost to the situation to see.

    • Thanks so much! Glad you like 😀 I think the whole non-monogamy lifestyle is ever evolving but the labels kinda help (just like name tags I guess!). I think if your partner gets off on kissing then it would be a turn on to watch. The voyeurism aspect is key.

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