Online Dating Guide: The Basics

Following on from my post about Online Dating for Hotwives, this is the first post of three that will form an online dating guide for Hotwives, Stags and Bulls. I am writing this mostly for people who are new to meeting people via the Internet but hopefully this will also help couples and singles who are already comfortable with the format but need a few tips to maximise their gains. After this post, I’ll cover tips specific to creating a profile that works to your advantage, and lastly, tips on how to interact with people online, including how to avoid time-wasters and catfish.

Online Dating GuideNow, if you’re still reading this, then you’re clearly willing to give online dating a go. If you still have some misgivings, then please read the above post as I explain why I personally find online dating the most proactive way to get some Hotwifing action happening. Otherwise, let’s begin!

Know what you want!

I don’t mean sex. We all want that. I think the biggest mistake people make with online dating (whether for casual sex or serious relationships) is that they join an App or website with only some vague idea of what they want and end up wondering why they didn’t get anything out of the experience. People tend to assume that, like all things online, hot sex will be an instant gain. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it’s not. I’ll admit that in some cases, some people will get laid faster the old fashioned way (ie – going to a bar). However, for many of us who are time poor, online dating is very convenient.

Single Guys – What do you want?

If you are 100% sure that you do not want to pursue a long term relationship with someone you meet online (yes, I’m mainly talking to you single guys), then you should say so in your profile. You don’t need to be crass or anti-relationship about it. You simply need to say that you’re not looking for anything serious at this point in your life. Other singles deserve to know where you’re at, so if they are hoping to meet The One (and many are even on ‘hook up’ Apps), they won’t expect things to progress further if they do choose to meet you regardless. And no, DO NOT be a Tinder Fuckboy and pretend that you’re open to a relationship to improve your chances of getting laid.

Hotwifing couples also deserve to know if you’re hoping to get into a serious relationship in the short term. It may not put them off, but I know how absolutely annoying (and at times sad) it is when an ideal Bull tells you that he can’t play anymore after only a few dates. For a Hotwife who is hoping to develop a regular thing with a guy, it’s frustrating. I know that relationships can just happen, but I’d rather know if a single man is dating romantically as well as having casual fun in between. That way I can choose to treat him more as an occasional playmate and focus on more regular arrangements with semi-confirmed bachelors.

Make sure you know what you want from a couple or Hotwife too. If you’re a newbie then feel free to ask as many questions as you want. If a Hotwife or couple is keen to take on an uninitiated Bull then they will invest the time to explain what they want. If you are not comfortable about playing with a Hotwife with her husband present then you should say so. It may be a deal-breaker for some couples, but others may understand your hesitation and accommodate you. Conversely, if your fantasy is to be watched by the husband then you should mention that as some Hotwives prefer to fly solo. Other conditions you should raise from the get-go include ensuring there is no male/male contact (if you are straight) or clarifying that you do not want to be filmed.

The more information you put on your profile (and no App or website can be accused of NOT giving you enough space to do that…), the easier it will be for a Hotwife to work out if you’re a good fit for her (and yes, you should mention if you’re very hung or not). If a couple doesn’t have to play messaging ping-pong with you to extract basic details about how you prefer to play, then less time is wasted and more sex can be had. So before you create a profile on an App, have a really good think about what you want. Other than sex…

Hotwife and Stag – What do you want?

It’s super important that a Hotwife and her husband clarify with each other and then on their dating profile exactly what they want from a single man. Imagine writing this:

“Looking for men to fuck my wife.”

How’s that for leaving things wide open? Yet many, many couples think this is enough and I see it written pretty much ad verbatim on dating profiles all the time. Have a think. Do you really want some random men to come and fuck your wife and leave? Unless that’s how you want to roll, have a good think about what you want from your Hotwifing adventure.

If you’re just starting out, it’s OK to mention in your profile that you’re new and want to start slow. In fact, I recommend it so that more experienced Bulls who want to cut to the choice will bypass your profile for now. If you want online flirtation initially or pic swapping only then that’s perfectly fine but just be honest about where your comfort zone is. Some new Hotwives may want to have a social date first which is a great idea. If you aren’t at all sure where your upper limit is in terms of sexual interaction, then keep it social. Gauging chemistry is very important.

Also know exactly how you want to play. If the husband prefers to be at least present during play then be very clear about that. Some single men do not like being watched. Personally, the perfect Bull should be comfortable under any circumstance but not all guys are flexible. If there’s any interest in male/male interaction in threesomes then your dating profile is where you mention that, not once you have a new playfriend in the hotel room with you!

For the more experienced couples, any extraordinary kinks and fetishes should also be loosely described in your dating profile. You don’t need to elaborate on exactly what turns you on but you might want to state clearly that you are seeking ‘extremely open-minded’ men for play. That should be enough to keep the more vanilla guys at bay but if anyone is curious, they can contact you and discuss if perhaps they are suitable candidates. If one such fetish is taking photos and videos then you should be upfront about that in your profile or initial conversations. This also goes for any safe sex requirement or non-requirement.

If you have other wishes or desires then lay it all down in your profile. If you are seeking a regular arrangement or want a friendship outside of sex, then don’t be afraid to ask for it. There is no point attracting attached or married guys who can’t offer you the extended boyfriend experience that you may want. Your profile is also where you declare your preference for smokers/non-smokers, or disdain for people who like to drink a lot or take recreational drugs. You should not compromise your needs for fear of not attracting enough people. You only need that one or two to get started.

My bet is that you’ll attract more than that!

In a nutshell:

* Do you want one-off encounters or an ongoing, regular arrangement?
* Do you only want solo adventures or MFM fun?
* Do you want friendship and social fun, or just meet for sex?

NB – It’s OK to want all of the above.


  1. Hello again we’ve been on hiatus for a year tending to family.We found a young bull and sent him here.Your articles are such a huge help for those embarking on this sexcapade ! Thanks again.

  2. We’ve really enjoyed finding this blog – very similar dynamic as we are stag/vixen – not cuckhold. We are having a difficult time finding guys though. We are very picky to start, of the 4 we approved and began Kiking with, 3 have just disappeared right before meeting. Kind of weird when they reached out to you and were very excited initially. We are on swinger sites – any advice for other avenues to find guys? – or input as to their sudden disappearance?
    Thank you,
    Dan & Kelly

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