Personal Safety for Hotwives

This is a companion post to the one I wrote previously about consent with regards to Hotwife dating. I got a lot of positive feedback about it so please do give it a read if you’re considering Hotwifing. Call me a buzzkiller if you like but I’m ever the pragmatist and prefer to share an honest view of being a shared wife. Sure, I like being face slapped by a monster cock as much as anyone, but I always make sure that monster cock isn’t attached to a serial killer.

Personal Safety
You seem like a really nice guy…

Personally, I have never had a safety issue during a play date, either on my own or with my husband. I screen guys pretty thoroughly online before meeting and I listen to my gut instinct and use common sense. I often end up chatting with guys for months before finally meeting anyway, and by that stage you build some trust with them. I’m not against picking up a random at a bar (hello, university years) and to be honest, I think you’d have to be extremely unlucky to meet Patrick Bateman on your night out. Having said that, any negative experience, however small, is unpleasant so it doesn’t hurt to be cautious.

Safely Meeting a Bull

There are two practical aspects of Hotwifing to consider first off: how you meet single men, and where you fuck them. I am fortunate to have a great app in Australia to source playfriends from so I rarely have to try my luck at a bar. The app gives me some reassurance that the other party is genuine and equally committed to having a safe and fun time. Even so, I make it a point to have a social drink at a public venue with a new Bull, especially if I’m flying solo. I’ll discuss online dating safety and privacy in another post.

If your only avenue to meet men is at a bar or a swingers club, then have no fear. Singles have been hooking up this way for decades so it’s certainly not a problem. Extra precautions should be taken however as per casual dating for singles. Be mindful of your beverage at all times. Stay near the bar so if a guy offers to buy you a drink, you can see it being poured. Check out these other tips regarding being ‘roofied‘. Staying near the bar also means there are staff or other patrons nearby in case your potential playmate starts getting pushy.

After a couple of drinks, you should know if your new friend is someone you want to fuck or not. If you don’t get a ‘feel’ for him then save yourself the trouble of having that third drink (which might skew your opinion anyway) and go home, or try another bar if you’re that keen to get laid! Don’t forget, you can always ask for the guy’s number and meet him again another time. From a safety point of view, it’s not silly to get to know someone better before sleeping with them.

On the other hand, if the sexual chemistry is hot AF, then go for gold. Before you both lose your mind with lust though, grab the guy’s phone number. He should be fine about giving it out, unless he’s cheating! You should text that number to your husband or some other trusted person. Unless you hate disclosing your marital status, you should definitely tell your date that you’re a Hotwife and that your husband knows exactly what you’re doing. Perhaps even mention that your husband likes having updates. Even if you play solo, it’s a good idea to make your husband seem present.

Safely Fucking a Bull

I can think of a few pros and cons for entertaining a random guy in your own home. Some couples prefer to keep their family home a private sanctuary and restrict playtime to hotel rooms. Others reserve home play for Bulls with whom they have developed a level of trust. It’s up to you to assess your own individual pros and cons for inviting a single man back. Certainly, if your Stag is waiting at home to watch or listen in on your hot encounter, then playing at home shouldn’t present any problems. If you have a good level of home security (CCTV, monitored alarm system etc.) then there’s some added reassurance in that.

Getting a hotel room is ideal for many reasons and shouldn’t be too hard at short notice. I mentioned in an older post that my husband prefers to be the one that books a room so there’s no pressure to play if things don’t work out with a guy. However, that’s often when he’s also involved in the playtime. If you’re playing on your own, I suggest offering to pay for half of the room but ask the guy to book the room in his name. Again, if something goes wrong then there are means to track the guy down. Do tell your partner where you are and the room number (if not the name it’s booked under). If you’re inexperienced, then your Stag can wait in the hotel bar. I’d even let your hook-up know that.

Once alone with a Bull, if you are unhappy with any aspect of his playstyle (too rough or too dominant) or simply don’t want to proceed, then politely let him know that you want to stop. Then text or call your Stag to tell him you changed your mind and want out. This is one reason why I think it is wise to tell a guy that you’re married and that your husband is keeping track of your date’s progress. As I think the worst case scenario is rare, let’s assume your date knows better and won’t make a big issue out of it. Offer to pay for half the room, if you haven’t already, then leave.

Be Sober. Be Clear.

I covered a few points in the post about consent which are equally valid in regards to personal safety. As far as I am concerned, remaining sober and being crystal clear in your communication are vital to keeping safe and being able to consent. I don’t wish to impose my views on illicit drugs and it’s entirely your choice to get high but there are associated risks with drug and alcohol use/misuse that you need to weigh up yourself personally.

As for communication, there is no room for being shy where Hotwifing is concerned. Don’t assume that the other party is on the same page as you or can read your mind. If you cannot clearly verbalise your intentions, get your Stag to help you out. I get it. It is awkward telling someone you’re not into double penetration. Your date should know 100% what is on the table for the night and therefore won’t assume more is on offer. If you change your mind, that’s OK but you need to communicate that as well during the date. If you want more, great. If you want less, do not feel pressured to have sex.

If you do choose to go on a solo date with a complete stranger while high or drunk (and without clearly outlining what your intentions are to them) then please make some safety plans beforehand. I’d like to think you have a caring Stag who will play minder and make sure you are safe but if you don’t, you should at the very least meet that stranger in a public place. Someone of trust should know what your plans are and where you’re going and with whom. If your only plan is to get wasted, hook up, and hope for the best, then I have nothing to say other than good luck.

This blows. Why should I have to worry about safety?

Men shouldn’t rape right? I agree, and to be completely clear, no one ever (ever, ever) deserves to be assaulted, and no one (drunk, high or sober) ever ‘asks for it’, no matter what. However, being overly conscious about ‘victim-blaming‘ is overshadowing the simple fact that there’s a small minority of people who will do the wrong thing. Statistically, it’s unlikely that something horrible will happen to you, but taking reasonable precaution is good insurance. I’m a firm believer that prevention is better than cure.

Employing basic safety measures is not going to lessen my quality of life or oppress my rights as a woman who enjoys sex. Personal safety simply involves making good decisions and having sound judgment; excellent skills to have in general and all that’s needed to ensure you have a fun date. Dress as ‘slutty’ as you want and be outrageously flirty with every man you see. It’s your right and there’s nothing stopping you from having a good time as long as you set things up accordingly.

Ultimately, Hotwifing is a lifestyle choice made by adults so it stands to reason that you think and behave like an adult. Have as much sex as you want with as many different people, but your safety and well being are your own responsibility. Yes, people should ideally behave properly but your trust in them should be earned, not assumed. You are invaluable, so make sure the people who get to enjoy you are deserving of your company.


  1. Brilliant article, many of the concepts would apply across many other areas. In some ways it is a pity that your wisdom is only likely to be read by a niche audience.

    • Thanks Rod. I’d like to think that anyone who arrives here searching for Hotwife info will be responsible enough to read both the highs and lows of the lifestyle. But yes, I hope people have other avenues to learn about safety and consent, especially the younger generation.

  2. Great advice. I know my wife always prefers to have me there when she plays (and that’s awesome for me, because I love to watch her have fun). We had one hook-up where she enjoyed but stated afterward, “I’m glad you were there, because there was something about him… I just had the feeling he would have been way more pushy if you weren’t.” I didn’t pick up on it, but trust her judgment implicitly. It’s all about having fun and I don’t want to have to break somebody’s nose, but I will. 😀

    • Thank you 🙂 I think Hotwifing (however you play it) is a team sport and you gotta have each other’s backs for sure. I do like meeting guys solo for a drink but the assurance that my husband is either there, nearby or aware that I am playing with a guy is comforting. A Bull has to earn our trust before I feel OK about playing solo with him. It’s sad to think that there are some guys who might not be as respectful if they weren’t dealing with another man’s treasure.

  3. Excellent article.There are so many pushy men out there in a rush,which leads us to believe most are married or cheating on a relationship.Thank You for putting this info. out.It places so much emphasis on not rushing because many things can be overlooked.As a couple new to this,Your article is a godsend.We realize it’s ok to take as long as we need to in making a final decision.If a prospect can’t wait , then they aren’t worth our time,thanks again.

    • Absolutely! No rush at all. The best sex comes from getting to know someone well and having a sense of fun. Sometimes it can happen right away but in most cases, you need a little extra time to feel comfortable and hungry. Nothing like build-up! Glad I could be of help!

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