Post-sex Cuddling: Crossing the Line?

Well, you peeps sure keep asking the best questions regarding Hotwifing! I was worried about running out of things to blog about, other than my own personal conquests, but so long as there’s curiosity about how the lifestyle works, it seems I’m not likely to run out of material any time soon. Thank you, and feel free to keep asking those questions!

Post-Sex CuddlingFor this post, I am going to discuss sexual intimacy in response to a Hotwife who wrote in to ask if post-coitus canoodling was acceptable. I’ve previously written a post for couples concerned about emotional attachment, but I didn’t touch on whether post-sex cuddling might pose an issue. It’s a valid consideration as my reader found:

“I really enjoy post-sex cuddling which I guess is quite intimate. On the second occasion with a new Bull, I didn’t get to kiss him or lounge about cuddling him before he left. I realised after that’s what made me feel a bit dissatisfied and “meh” about the experience compared to the first time we played as I didn’t get “closure” on the act.”

Sexual intimacy is such a broad spectrum matter that I hesitate to flatly suggest that a woman should not cuddle a playmate after sex. We’re all entirely different creatures so I don’t think applying a hard and fast rule as to how much physical connection is too much is appropriate. Some people are super tactile and love to touch and be touched. On the opposite end, there are folk who don’t enjoy touching beyond the sexual act at all.

I personally don’t crave physical contact outside of the bedroom so I don’t seek it from my Bulls after sex. Culturally, I didn’t grow up hugging and kissing relatives and family friends so to this day I still find it awkward to touch people. I know I must really like someone if I involuntarily reach my hand out to touch them. Having said that, instead of post-sex cuddles, I yearn for other things to achieve that ‘closure’ my reader mentioned such as a knowing, lingering look, or post-sex texting.

As I’m alluding to, sexual intimacy and connection aren’t always manifested through physical touch. There are myriad other ways that people connect which may not involve cuddling or caressing, and those such ways should also be considered by a Vixen and Stag as suitable or not. Some Stags may not be concerned by post-sex cuddling as much as post-sex banter, and Bulls may find any sort of post-sex connection troubling for whatever reason.

In the case of my reader, as long as her husband isn’t too worried about the post-sex cuddling and understands that it’s just her ongoing enjoyment of being desired and valued by another man, I don’t see the problem. If anything, my husband would be more offended by a Bull if he gets dressed in a hurry and doesn’t give me some sort of physical sign of post-sex appreciation, be it a friendly high-five or a kiss on the cheek.

If you like being held after sex, simply broach the subject with your Bull and let him know that some post-sex contact is just part of the play for you. After all, James Bond never ran off right after sex right? Keep the mood playful so the physical contact comes across as friendly and not needy. Don’t forget that just like me, some men don’t enjoy cuddling unless they ‘feel’ it, and they also have the right to play within their comfort zone. Don’t take it personally! Given so much hoo-ha written about men and cuddling, who can blame them for withholding their hugs?

Another reason why it’s a good idea to clarify your after-nooky canoodling preference to a playmate is so that everyone is on the same page. Your Stag needs to know where you’re coming from and the Bull needs to know that the Stag is cool with that. I’ve found most guys who join couples or play with Hotwives do appreciate some level of physical contact after sex. I suspect most don’t really want to be ejected from the hotel room as soon as they cum and like to bask in the afterglow too. They just need to know that things won’t get weird if he hangs out for an extra few minutes.

It’s simple: some of us like to cuddle because it’s a nice, warm, fuzzy way to come down from a sexual high. That’s all it needs to be.


  1. Love your blog!
    I do believe that my wife actually prefers to – if not cuddle, then at least have some post sex conversation, perhaps some touching while lying in bed all three. I initially thought that when the bull entered the room we would start have sex and that he would leave immediately afterwards, but I can see that my wife prefers to have a more personal relationship with our bull, getting to know him and in some respect see him both as a friend and a bull. It is our first, and we have only met twice so far. I don’t mind that she likes it more personal and I think I will encourage both of them to cuddle more sex.

    • Oh I think most women prefer some post-sex interaction or they do feel a little used or disposable. Nothing worse than finishing a hot sex session with watching a guy get dressed in a rush and leaving. Some women don’t mind I’d say, but unless I didn’t really connect with the guy, I’d like a little after action banter and physical connection.

  2. Hey,..on our last session after play we sat around naked and finished the wine while discussing our work, family,travels,it was laid-back,very subdued.We all bonded in a way.It was great fun.After that we dressed and he kissed her on the cheek and complimented her one last time,shook my hand and that was it..It is such a unique scenario indeed!

    • Sounds ideal to me! It’s nice if a playfriend wants to engage beyond sex although I can understand why some may find it awkward or worry that they are intruding. I know some guys hadn’t meant to seem rude but they thought they were no longer required so they leave ASAP. It all comes down to communicating.

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