Reader Question: Where’s the fun for me?

“Hi Emma. First, thank you for all you do. My wife and I talked about her being a ‘shared wife’ for months before she actually took the plunge. She chose a friend of ours (he had threesomes before); a divorced guy called John who has the hots for her, and the feeling is mutual. When my wife and I talked of the things I wanted (and I thought we both wanted), she seemed to be in agreement and understood that my ‘fun’ came from her texting me:
‘I’m heading out to the bar to meet John.’, or ‘I’m in the room.’
Husband not HappyI didn’t want a blow by blow description. I also wanted photos so I bought her a camera that shoots and develops instantly. I told her the photos that I wanted. She said at the time that would be hot and sexy.
So Emma, they have been together three times now but I only have one photo. It’s of her standing over him on the bed nude before their third session. She said the first time they got together everything happened so fast so no photos were taken, which I understand.
She said the same thing happened the second time. I told her I was happy to even have some photos afterwards, perhaps John’s finger in her pussy after he came in her.
I found out later from John that they did this but she didn’t take photos. She just pretended that it didn’t happen. I told my wife what John told me the truth but didn’t push too hard about why she didn’t take photos.
I’d love your thoughts on this. My wife says that texting is too awkward and she doesn’t want any audio or video to be recording her sessions with John. I then told her that I’ve changed my mind about this ‘shared wife’ thing and that we should stop.
She then said that I couldn’t tell her who she could or couldn’t fuck. I told her that I didn’t want to stop her from having fun but we were not on the same page. She’s having fun, and John’s having fun but I’m not having any fun!
So…Emma, Please, what’s your take?”

Hey there. Thanks for writing in. I’m sorry to say that your wife is not on the same page as you, and I’d go far as to say she’s being disrespectful. I’m not sure if you had a good discussion about the Hotwifing lifestyle before taking the plunge, and which flavour you prefer, but your wife is treating you like a cuckold husband. It may not be on purpose as she may think that’s normal with Hotwifing. Of course there’s nothing wrong with cuckolding but the husband has to get off on the denial and jealousy. I somehow don’t think any of this is making you happy.

It’s good that at least John is honest with you and you can communicate with him. I don’t know your friendship with him but he is probably having a great time being able to have no-strings attached sex with someone else’s wife. Your wife on the other hand? I think she’s caught up in the excitement of having a new lover and she finds it annoying that you’re interrupting her enjoyment. If she’s had the ‘hots’ for John too, then he’s probably all she’s thinking about to be honest, which can be a problem in itself.

Now fucking friends isn’t always a disaster but I think much of the problem could have been avoided if you chose to meet a stranger and got to know him together as a couple. You could have then agreed for the first session to be more an MFM scenario and then gradually work towards letting your wife see him on her own. In the meantime, you could have gotten to know a couple of other guys so your wife isn’t relying on one guy for extra fun.

As for taking photos and keeping you updated, on this point, I do get the awkwardness. When I’m allowed to play with a guy solo, then I know photos come first. We usually get a few videos going at the beginning, enjoy some of the sex without footage, and then we try and remember to get the money shot. It can be clinical though, and sometimes I don’t want to worry about remembering either. However, it’s part of the bargain so I take my husband’s requests seriously.

So, while I get the lack of photos, I think her reasons for resisting differ. She wants her sessions with John to be private. Unless you don’t mind this style of Hotwifing where you just let her do what she wants, you need to step in as soon as possible. You need to tell her that she’s being selfish and it’s not fair on you. I would tell her that she can find a new lover but not John. If she refuses to comply, then you can tell John yourself that the arrangement isn’t working out. I’m willing to bet that John is only interested in the sex so the idea he might break up the marriage will be enough for him to drop contact.

Once the dust settles from this experience, you and your wife need to have a proper discussion about Hotwifing. Ask her what she thinks you get out of her having sex with other men. A lot of women don’t consider that when they first start out so they don’t make a conscious effort to Hotwife in the way that their Stags will get their fun out of it too.

Good luck!

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