Rough Sex

To be perfectly frank, I love rough sex.

I by no means fall anywhere along the broad spectrum of BDSM play but given the choice, I would pick rough and dirty over sweet and tender any time. Even with my husband I don’t necessarily enjoy love-making per se. Maybe this indicates some sort of emotional deficiency on my part but I never viewed sex as a means to express intimacy. Sex to me is just a fun, pleasurable, physical activity. If anything, I find hugging more intimate.

Rough Sex

It’s possible I enjoy rough sex as it’s as far removed from intimacy as sex can be, without getting paid to do it. People involved in Sub/Dom relationships may argue that the brutality is intimacy in its highest form. Indeed, there has to be a great deal of trust between two people for rough sex to be conducted safely and without weirdness. I admittedly prefer to engage in rough sex with a guy I’ve gotten to know a little rather than a total stranger.

This does bring me to the point of finding single guys who can work with boundaries. Many guys get quite saucer-eyed at the thought of being allowed to throw a woman around the bedroom, all in the name of consensual fun, but few consider asking what a woman’s upper limit is. In their defence, most women don’t know what their limits are either and find out too late. The aim is to work out at what point rough sex stops being fun, before you get near it.

Rough sex can get dangerously dark, if not a few technicalities away from becoming sexual assault. A guy I had been chatting to about our penchant for rough fun asked me outright if I wanted him to rape me. Fuck no! I knew where he was coming from but I suggested perhaps that he simply convince me that I should take his cock. He liked that wording better too. Persuading an initially unwilling subject to submit sexually seems seedy but if it’s consensual then it can be hot in that taboo way.

I appreciate that the forced sex genre exists and as long as all activities are consensual, I take no issue with it. However, I personally can’t bring myself to use the word rape to describe indulgent sexual activities enjoyed by those who are free to say no at any time. Making rape out to be something you can pretend to do (and forget about the next day) doesn’t sit well with me. I totally agree that it’s sexually arousing to have loss of control (or to take control) but there is still consent in the back of your mind to allow it. Rough sex is one thing but I’d rather not enact something I wouldn’t want happening in reality.

So my upper limit? I don’t like being restrained by ropes or handcuffs, unless my husband is present. I find it hotter to be physically restrained by a man anyway. I love being pinned down at the wrists while his knees forcefully push apart my thighs. I like struggling a little to show some resistance which of course encourages him to further demonstrate his strength over me. As long as he isn’t hung stupidly, he can fuck me as hard as he likes in whatever position he pleases. Every so often I try and wriggle away from his thrusting cock just to make him fuck me harder.

I love being ‘made’ to suck cock, though a guy I met recently got off on making me gag which to be honest wasn’t sexy. I was happy to oblige a few times though. I enjoy some hair pulling but won’t tolerate anything beyond some spanking (on my bottom, of course). No slapping, pinching or overly hard grips. I have only let my husband choke me but I will welcome a hand on my neck if I like the guy enough. Good luck to the guy who wants to try and throw me on the bed (I’m not little), but I don’t mind being pushed against a wall for some vertical rough handling.

I should also add that I don’t want rough sex all the time. I just like having a dose of it here and there.


  1. Hi, I’ve only just come across your blog — where have I been you might ask, but newness is my excuse for maybe saying stuff that is old hat. I was worried about the phrase in this piece “Coercion is kinda seedy but at least it’s consensual.” In the UK, where I am, sexual coercion is now a crime and can get you five years jail time. I suspect the legal definition here is not what you were discussing, but fundamentally being coerced means doing something that you didn’t want to do. Rough sex is fine, being pushy is fine but there has to be a line and it has to be possible for both partners to say stop.

    • Hi there. Thanks for visiting. I’ve only been blogging for a year so you haven’t missed much! Thanks for highlighting the problem with the word coercion in this context. I didn’t have the legal or criminal definition in mind at the time but in light of the aftermath of #metoo, I’m inclined to reword that section to better define what I meant. I was referring to consensual coercion which is a theme sometimes explored in the BDSM realm.

  2. I feel so much more when a guy doesn’t take me so hard, even though it’s sexy and it feels good if he sometimes ”takes me hard”. I’m curious how you come (orgasm)? I can never have an orgasm when a guy takes me hard. I have to be relaxed at the time to come 😊 But variation I think is the best 😉

    • I think it depends on the situation? If it’s a new guy, I respond better with harder/faster/rougher sex (maybe the thrill of a stranger?) but with playfriends I have enjoyed a few times, I like slower, erotic sessions. Mainly I think it’s just how I enjoy sex. I don’t enjoy foreplay that goes on forever 🤣

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