It’s been almost a year since I started blogging about my exploits and observations as a shared wife and what a wonderfully rewarding experience it’s been! I’ve learnt a lot about the lifestyle and heard many cool stories from fellow Hotwives, couples and swingers which has helped me work out where I sit in what I’ve come to discover is the rather broad spectrum of Hotwifing.
In this short time, I’ve noticed the increased prevalence of the terms Hotwife and Vixen on Tumblr and Twitter. Given many people search those terms on Google to discover my blog, there’s obviously a lot of buzz with those terms and their associated lifestyle. Heck, there’s even an Etsy store selling those tell-tale anklets for Hotwives to wear out so would-be suitors know that she’s married but available.
Now, I don’t want to get mired in terminology but I do think you can use shared wife, Hotwife or Vixen fairly interchangeably these days. They all essentially imply that the woman in question is attached but available for sex with men other than their partner, usually with the explicit permission of their partner. Of course, there are variations that extend beyond that basic premise but I think even the biggest pedant would be happy with that brief definition.
As I explained in this post, I’m not particularly fond of the term Vixen but it may resonate better with women who are not married since Hotwife (and shared wife) basically denotes that the woman is married. I hadn’t really thought about it before but I think it’s good to have a broader term that is inclusive of all relationship situations. And don’t get me started on the myriad ways people choose to be together!
Perhaps the only thing that is impossible to garner from any of the commonly used terms is the degree to which a woman is allowed to play and how. For example, there’s a fairly popular assumption that a Hotwife has carte blanche access to extra-marital sex. However, a good percentage of Hotwives do play within a boundary that’s mutually defined with her husband. Were it defined ‘by’ her husband, then we’re heading into the Dom/Sub playground!
For me, I still prefer referring to myself as a shared wife. I’m content to be shared by my husband which may indicate a slightly submissive side in me but overall, my being shared is very much enjoyed equally by the two of us. I won’t lie and say that I don’t enjoy taking control and having solo adventures but it feels best when I have my husband’s full blessing to act on my sexual desires and for him to be a part of it in some way.
I guess some of us set boundaries for a reason. I’m not sure how I’d feel if I didn’t have any.