A number of readers have expressed their desire to experiment with Hotwifing or swinging but their enthusiasm is often thwarted by this simple question:
“What if we run into someone we know?”
It’s not something people who live in big cities worry about as much, but for those who are on first name terms with the local police or butcher, the idea of becoming fodder for small town gossip is enough to curb any Hotwife urges!
Although I live in Sydney which is a relatively big city, my husband and I both come from smaller towns so I truly appreciate how easy it can be to bump into an old neighbour or school teacher. Even in Sydney, we’ve had more than one occasion where we’ve met swingers with mutual vanilla friends. It’s made for some interesting moments though the swingers code of conduct ensures that no one is any wiser.
Unfortunately there are more potential pitfalls in Hotwifing and even more so when living in a small town. It’s not the least bit suspicious for two couples to meet at a busy bar in Sydney on a Saturday night, but a married woman having a drink with a much younger guy at the local pub? Tongues would be wagging fast and hard but not in the way I’d like!
I recommend that Stags and Vixens living in sparsely populated parts embrace the Internet and use an adult dating website to find a suitable Bull or two. In fact, anyone who values discretion is advised to use an App or website. While Sydney is full of hot single guys (who aren’t gay), I would never take the risk and pick up a guy at a bar. There are just too many unknowns going that route, as sexy and spontaneous as it might be.
Of course there are separate issues associated with online dating but if discretion and privacy are important to you, you can save yourself a lot of trouble by meeting single men online and taking your time to do risk management. Once you’re happy with a contact you’ve made, then it’s a matter of having a face-to-face date over a coffee (it’ll look less odd if you meet at a cafe before 6pm) and if everyone’s keen, enjoy the action back home or at a hotel.
If your small town is truly small and it’s highly likely you’ll somehow know a guy you approach online, then I suggest looking in the next town, or finding guys who are travelling to your town or nearby. Most adult dating websites and Apps have features to help you find people in specific cities or towns. The App I use in Australia lets me know when a Bull is visiting Sydney, in case I’ve run out of eligible local men. Hey, my personal pool is small!
Tips for Small Town Hotwifing
- Go online. It’s not worth the embarrassment of picking up a guy who is one degree of separation to someone you know. You can remain fairly anonymous online and only share more revealing details about your identity once you’ve established that you’re complete strangers. I’ll cover some popular sites and apps, and how to go about meeting people in another post.
- Be very sparing with your private details until you’ve got to know your potential Bull fairly well, whether online or in real life. A playmate doesn’t need to know exactly where you live, what you do for a living or which high school you went to. If a man asks you a lot of questions then just point out that you’d like to leave aspects of your life private. If he can’t take the hint, he’s not the Bull for you.
- Consider meeting guys who are fairly experienced with couples and Hotwives. Seasoned Bulls aren’t for everyone but most ‘get it’, and value discretion and privacy. The last thing you need is some newbie who brags to his buddies about a freaky MILF called Ursula he met the other night. Married men (playing with or without permission) may be a safe bet but it’s up to you deal with an angry spouse if the guy is a cheater.
- Buy a ‘burn’ phone. Having a spare phone number is handy as social media Apps have outed many players. Facebook and Instagram are fun but if they are linked to your vanilla number, then anyone who has it can potentially work out who you are. If you don’t want to manage more than one phone then create a private account on Kik, Snapchat or WhatsApp and correspond with single men that way.
- Meet a new playmate at a discreet but ordinary location and at a time that isn’t considered strange for you to be out. Perhaps meet for a morning coffee at a busy cafe a little bit out of your way, or choose a park with some quite benches for a daytime meet. Dress casually and maybe take some props such as books, a laptop or a notepad and pen. If anyone you know spots you then it’s not going to look like you’re on a date.
- Finally, as much as you may be keen to get down and dirty, consider taking your time to get to know a new Bull. You don’t have to play right away. Having a social meet up first is always a good idea anyway, but waiting until later to play means you have some time to make sure you don’t know this Bull somehow.