The Guy Who Looked Photoshopped

Have you ever had sex with someone utterly perfect?

I met a guy once who Blew. Me. Away. My reaction was not dissimilar to Emma Stone’s character in Crazy, Stupid, Love.

“Seriously? It’s like you’re photoshopped!”

I didn’t say that aloud but I did think it when I first saw him in the flesh. In fact, when I came across Mocha Latte R (to differentiate from Hot Kiss R) on our well loved and used swingers dating site, I was convinced that his profile was fake. His photos were just too perfect. Modelling photos. MLR had a ripped body with smooth, milk chocolate skin. Add to that a beautiful face and a sizeable cock to boot. I’m actually not partial to black guys or the whole BBC genre but I couldn’t take my eyes of his photos.

Like him, but hotter…

My husband and I were going to an exclusive swingers party for couples but I was allowed by the organisers (our good friends) to hand pick a few guys to mix things up. Now, I’m sure I’ll write about this later but single guys are painful. Most complain about the lack of opportunities for them to attend swingers parties but when said opportunity comes knocking, they run a mile. Obviously there are many single guys who would pay to attend but they aren’t the sort I seek out. Yes I’m a picky bitch but so are the couples I run with.

I was close to giving up when at the last moment, I decided to message MLR to see if he’d like to party. It was a long shot given the short notice but amazingly he replied. At this stage I still wasn’t sure if he was real but since he took the time to reply and showed genuine interest, I messaged him the venue details. Worst case scenario, I could offer whoever actually turns up a drink and explain to them why you shouldn’t use fake photos.

“I think your guy has arrived.” my husband said as he tapped me on the shoulder.

Given he was the only single guy coming to the party, it had to be MLR. When I glanced over to see him, I’m sure I did a double take.

MLR looked like he popped right out of one of his modelling photos. He was dressed a little too casually for the night but given the short notice, I easily excused him. I went up to MLR and introduced myself. When I’m nervous, I talk incessantly and rapidly. He stared quizzically at me and I thought perhaps he was unimpressed by being dragged away from home. I stopped talking and asked,

“You don’t say much do you?”

“I haven’t been able to get a word in so far.” he said as he smiled.

I felt like such a dork. I asked if he’d like a drink and suggested he might want to take his shirt off since the guests were all in their underwear (yes, lingerie parties are de rigueur in the scene). He complied without a word, revealing a torso that I truly would have thought was photoshopped if not for the fact that I touched it. I didn’t mean to paw at him. I was just doing that standard flirty pat on the arm before getting him a drink.

I was somewhat giddy. I had invited a spectacular specimen of a male human. I felt compelled to be his personal hostess for the night. I gladly fetched him vodka lemonades on demand. On each round I gushed to the bargirl about how amazing he was. Everyone agreed. One lady from a couple who I knew to be extremely partial to BBC could not keep his eyes off him. MLR actually knew a couple (B and D) at the party already so the pressure was off trying to entertain him. B clearly had the pleasure of his company in the past, as she danced topless against his magnificent physique. MLR must have enjoyed the attention since his immense penis rose to the occasion and poked clearly out of his pants. He was massive.

You may ask why I didn’t whisk him off to devour immediately. The simple answer is that I was too much in awe of MLR. I just didn’t know what to do. Eventually I ended up in a strange massage circle with him and a few other people. I massaged his highly muscular shoulders and back, amazed by how structured he was. Almost like a marble statue. Suddenly MLR turned around and kissed me. I was too stunned to reciprocate properly and before I thought to try, he had freed my breasts from my bra. No prizes for guessing where his mouth was heading next. Pulling my knickers down slightly, he slithered his tongue towards my clit. I was speechless from both the pleasure and shock of the situation. It was so surreal.

I don’t remember how we ended up in a play room. I think he took me by the hand and I obediently followed. B was observing the massage frivolity and before we disappeared into the room, she walked over to tell him not to be rough.

“You’re a big boy.”

Thanks B.

We bypassed more foreplay. I didn’t mind as I love penetration the most, even if I don’t orgasm. At any rate, giving MLR head was futile. I was not getting my mouth around his member terribly well even though he appreciated my valiant effort. It wasn’t like he needed further encouragement anyway. MLR put on a condom at the urging of my husband who ensured I was in safe hands before leaving us to it. MLR pulled me towards him by my splayed legs and got his huge cock into position. I clearly recall wondering how a penis could be so large.

I’m not sure if I actually screamed but the first instance of penetration by 10 good inches of cock was intense. He thrust into me hard and the immediate pleasure of being filled was unbelievable. It doesn’t take me long to come when the sensation is that strong. We had an appreciative audience who clearly enjoyed viewing some live BBC porn. MLR pulled out and moved me onto my knees, reinventing the definition of deep by taking me from behind. It was almost more than I could bear but I didn’t want to stop either.

Suddenly MLR pulled out again and played with my buttocks. He started rubbing my rear hole, preparing the area with my wetness. It was clear that MLR wanted some backdoor action which I wasn’t prepared to provide. Not to him. Just No. MLR placed the head of his cock against my hole but I moved away. I made it very clear that anal was off the list. It must have been his ‘thing’ as he tried entering again. This time my audience reiterated my decision for me. Gotta love a supportive crowd. MLR returned his cock to the only available slot and resumed thrusting. He came hard. Later, I was taken aback by how much cum he filled into the condom.

I thanked MLR since it seemed to me the appropriate thing to do. Mainly I wanted to show gratitude for taking the chance on turning up to a random party. I contacted him some time later to see if he’d like to come to another party one day. He said he would. I don’t know why I didn’t hit him up for a three-way but I suggest I was still a bit freaked out by fucking someone so amazingly perfect in physique. Before I could get over the fuss, MLR moved away interstate. I haven’t heard from or of him since which is a shame as I think I’d be able look beyond the hotness and appreciate him for the actual sex. Ah well.

In retrospect, I now understand why it may be hard to perform well under certain circumstances. I was definitely turned on by MLR and came spectacularly on his giant cock, but did I get wet? Not so much to be honest. I actually felt bad that I wasn’t dripping with juice but I was really too nervous to feel truly aroused. I can’t be too hard on R therefore. I do understand how you may desperately want to have sex with someone but if nerves get the better of you and you can’t relax your brain, your bits just don’t work. Unfortunately for guys, if your penis isn’t operational, there’s no sex at all.

Fortunately for me, I still had an awesome time.


  1. What a fascinating post. To meet a ‘model’ of a man AND get the chance to enjoy him carnally had to be surreal. But I love most of all that you pointed out that you didn’t get very wet and yet – as a woman – you could still enjoy the moment. For a man, if the ‘pant partner’ fails to rise, it’s game over and truly an embarrassing moment.

    And now, to some small degree, you can see how that can happen to a person. I’ve NEVER had a problem getting hard, but the night we went to the ‘adult swingers club’ it was a “Houston, we have a problem” moment I’ll never forget. The mind plays an incredible roll in our sexuality and it took THAT moment for me to really understand that. When you wrote that you seek out men with experience in the lifestyle because they KNOW already that they can perform under pressure, like a hubby watching, I totally understood what you were saying.

    Great website by the way. I love it. So much good information. And you are smart and funny as can be!

    • Thanks for visiting and for your kind words! Yes, I’m sure it’s utterly distressing to guys the first time their penis doesn’t want to play. I think if a man isn’t careful, it can affect future erections too. That’s why I try not to make a big deal about it as I know it’s really a big deal for most guys lol It is kinda good that women can still enjoy sex regardless of being hugely turned on but definitely nothing beats an experience when you want it sooooo bad 😉

  2. When the male play partner fails to rise for the occasion, it is devastating. You are kind to make nothing of it. Trust me, the guy KNOWS he is letting you down and feels horrible about it. And, as you said, the anxiety now makes it even worse. Now it’s in his ‘big head’ and he may have anxiety in the future because things ‘failed to launch’ (for whatever reason) in the past. It just blows me away how much our brain affects our physical response.

    When I had my ‘failure to rise’ moment, I was definitely turned on! And I was with my own wife. But the location (adult swinging-type club) and the presence of others was all it took for the equipment to remain in the locked & stowed position. I was shocked. Imagine having 40 years of never having a problem in that area and then – BOOM – there it is! (or isn’t, as in this case.)

    Later, back in the privacy of our hotel room, everything was working fine again. So now I know – I’m not EVER going to be a ‘group performing’ kinda guy. And that is sad and limiting, but better to be aware than to show up and disappoint a beautiful gal and her wonderful sharing husband.

    And can I just say, I now have a much greater admiration and appreciation for the male porn stars and ‘bulls’ that can bring the party, every time, without fail, regardless of circumstances? That’s impressive!

    (PS – Just looked at your ‘gallery of photos’ and you are so very beautiful. Not that you didn’t know that, but damn girl!)

    • I think a brain can eventually get over performance anxiety but most guys are too impatient and opt to use Viagra etc. lol And you’re right, many guys joke about wanting to be a porn star but it’s not easy at all. Rocco Siffredi said in an interview that male porn stars should train like athletes, and look after their bodies. Thanks for enjoying my pics 😉

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