Thick Hide

I wrote a fun piece called Hotwifing Handbag Essentials some time ago which included a list of things a Hotwife should keep handy for impending playdates. You know. Condoms. Lube. Ball Gag. Hey, each to their own!

Thick Hide
Thick hide. Chain mail. Whatever works!

After a number of personal experiences this year and from reading a few emails from my readers, I now need to add another item to that list: a thick hide. It might not be the kinky must-have you imagined having to bring along with you on the Hotwifing journey but I’d go as far as to say it’s a prerequisite.

I’ve mainly focussed on the positives of being a Hotwife because for most part, it is indeed an amazingly rewarding lifestyle. I wouldn’t want to dissuade a couple from exploring it just because there are some lows here and there. On the same token however, it’s important to consider the negatives and learn not to take anything that happens (or doesn’t happen) with a Bull personally.

About this time last year, I explored my own need to develop a thick hide in Post-Sex Rejection. It was difficult to understand how a man could shower me with sexual adulation over a period of time but then suddenly turn the tap off. Over time, I had to separate my ego and emotions from the situation and remind myself that what a Bull does is beyond my control, and usually has nothing to do with me.

Unfortunately involving other men into your sex life does expose some vulnerabilities, no matter how self-confident you are as a woman, or how secure and loved you feel in your marriage. The Hotwifing game is all about attracting other men for your sexual pleasure, so when you seemingly fail to attract (or continue to attract) a particular man (regardless of the reason), your self-esteem does get knocked for six.

Sometimes being a Hotwife is a paradoxical existence: a cross between a content, cherished spouse and an angsty single female waiting for that guy to call her again. It isn’t always like this of course. There are many, many men who I haven’t been fussed about hearing from again. However, when I’ve had amazingly good chemistry with a Bull, both in and out of the bedroom, I totally go into Sex and the City mode.

Then suddenly, he doesn’t respond to messages. It could be the day after the date, or after a year of regular play. Either way, it leaves me baffled and questioning my sexual allure. It’s a very illogical line of thought since the answer is usually pretty clear: the Bull has moved on. He’s more than entitled to, and while a Hotwife should be given the courtesy of a proper explanation, she shouldn’t expect one. She needs to don that thick hide and move on too.

So what to do if your Vixen-to-be is a sensitive soul with low self-esteem who can’t wear anything other than her heart on her sleeve? I don’t know if Hotwifing is necessarily the best non-normative sexual relationship to embark on if either partner is emotionally vulnerable, but there are measures a couple can take to build that thick hide:

Clean Slate – It may be tempting to choose a Bull from a list of ex-boyfriends, or that crush you had at university but I recommend starting afresh. As I learnt from my experience with R, people you already know (or think you know) are not always the best Bulls. You can’t help but heap high expectations on past sexual chemistry, and when expectations aren’t met, disappointment surely ensues. Meet a new guy. No expectations. No disappointment.

Hotwife Mantra: Just Sex – Focus on meeting guys with only sex as your objective. Sexual chemistry is amazing but not always necessary for good, physical fucking. If you insist that you need to like or really ‘connect’ with a guy, have a think about why you and your partner are considering Hotwifing. You’re trying to find a decent, spare cock. Not a boyfriend.

It’s Not You, It’s Hotwifing – Don’t hang your self-worth on how you’re treated as a Hotwife, whether positively or negatively. Consider what the game is all about and understand that you’re a player in that game: a married wife who wants to have sex with other or multiple men for physical pleasure. A decent Bull should also understand where you stand and treat you with respect as well as encourage you appropriately.

Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid – For whatever reason, some Bulls get swept up in the moment and ramp their Goddess-worship setting up to maximum. While the seductive flattery will give you a massive rush and make the sex mind-blowing, the comedown is horrible after the fact. Take any compliments at face value. Keep in mind that he has probably said the same thing to other women. Focus on the physical pleasure that a Bull provides, not the ego stroking.

Consider a Bull’s Perspective – Don’t forget that the stud who fucked you senseless last night has other concerns in his life. Being your Bull is probably not high on his list of priorities. Some guys may simply have their own set of rules to maintain a thick hide so prefer to keep contact minimal. A decent playfriend knows that you are not his. If he’s not fawning over you outside of a play session then it’s because you’re married, not undesirable.

Zero Contact Between Fucks – Finally, if a Vixen is inclined towards forming emotional attachment then she should have no contact with a Bull other than to arrange a play date. Yes, a pseudo boyfriend/girlfriend relationship might amp up the endorphins but it’s not ultimately healthy for the soul, never mind the marriage.


  1. Very good piece, well written but it also exposes the truth of the business— ultimately if you don’t know exactly what you want then there is a big danger that you’ll get something else.

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