Thinking About Becoming a Hotwife?

I often get lovely emails and comments from husbands who tell me that their wives have become interested in and comfortable about becoming a Hotwife after reading my blog. They explained that their wives felt reassured after reading a woman’s point of view about Hotwifing. I guess in that respect, my blog is fairly unique and I’m so glad to help.

Becoming a HotwifeIt then occurred to me that I haven’t actually written that much to a female audience, particularly women who are considering Hotwifing but aren’t sure what it’s all about. Often, it’s the husband who entertains the idea of exploring sexuality and relays his interpretation of a certain lifestyle to his wife, sometimes with negative consequences.

As we all should know by now, female sexuality has different needs and priorities. It’s not enough to say, “Honey, you should fuck the pool boy.” It may be enough later on but if a woman hasn’t ever experienced anything other than a loving, monogamous relationship, it may be a little overwhelming to accept that it’s OK to enjoy fucking for what it is (or isn’t).

I’ll write separate posts later as I know there are two kinds of women: those who have been asked by their husbands to try Hotwifing, and those who are oh so ready to try but need to convince their husbands to let them. For now, I’ll cover some general points for consideration.

Do you want to be a Hotwife?

Your husband may be keen as mustard to see you becoming a Hotwife but are you? You may want to please you husband and even turn him on, but the only reason you should be a Hotwife is because you enjoy sex and want to explore your sexuality and sexual options. What Hotwifing can do for your marriage should only be a secondary consideration. How you feel matters first so if the idea of having sex with other men doesn’t excite you in any way, then you must explain that to your husband. If you’re unsure but do want to try something, consider an alternative such as webcam sex with a single guy, or inviting a guy over just to watch you and your husband have sex. It’s totally fine to experiment on the mild side first. If webcam sex interests you, check out something like Chaturbate.

It’s OK to have sex with other men

If you crave the touch of a strange man but feel held back by guilt or the notion of doing something wrong, then be honest with your husband about it. Some women have had strict religious upbringings so going against long-standing morals can be challenging. Even without that burden, some women may view their sexual attraction to other men as a betrayal of sorts. If anything, many husbands find it very arousing to see their wives become a slave to their sexual desires and definitely don’t feel betrayed. As long as your husband is willingly letting you sleep with other men, you shouldn’t feel guilty. We’re not wired to turn off our sexual response just because we’re married. Just ensure that you honour any wishes on your husband’s part such as taking videos of your sex sessions. And if he doesn’t like a particular guy then you should respect his decision to not see him again. Oh, unless your husband is a Cuckold, in which case fuck that guy in front of him.

You’ll still be your husband’s wife

Some women worry that the dynamics of their marriage will change when another person is invited into the bedroom. I would be lying if I said your relationship won’t change at all, but I think it’s simply a shift towards more openness and honesty. If your marriage is solid in the first place then exploring your sexuality together isn’t going to affect your day-to-day relationship. You might meet all types of men during your Hotwifing journey (the good and the meh) but the best part of the deal is that you get to come home to your husband and share your feelings. I actually can’t think of a better lifestyle personally. I get to enjoy the excitement of flirting like a single woman as well as the joy of being a cherished wife. Your body may be desired and ravaged by other men but you will always be your husband’s wife.

Hotwifing is just a lifestyle choice

I think a lot of couples, especially women, feel that Hotwifing or any kind of alternative sexual lifestyle is an irreversible commitment. I think it’s healthier to look at Hotwifing or swinging as a spectrum lifestyle. You can decide where you want to be on that scale and change your position any time you like too. What you should discuss with your husband is the extent to which you want to experiment at first. Also agree that you can adjust the throttle as needed, or even turn the engine off if you’re sure the lifestyle isn’t for you. The thing you want to avoid is that giant leap from one end of the spectrum to the other. It might seem fun to throw caution to the wind and go full throttle, but it’ll confuse your husband if you’re a voracious Vixen one night then go back to being a monogamous wife the next. Ease into Hotwifing. It’s not a race. Savour every amazing new experience and learn from those that aren’t as successful. Together you’ll work out how much you both want to be involved.


  1. i am thinking seriously of becoming a hotwife i have a new boss very black and very attractive i am going to definitely have sex with him

  2. My husband is a stag for sure but I am still unsure about my role although this blog has definitely helped me understand his perspective.

    • Hey there. You don’t have to have a strictly defined role 🙂 Many women are versatile or just go with the flow. Whatever works for you at the time. In fact, you don’t need a role. If your husband just wants you to explore and enjoy then do that as much or as little as you want to. Have fun!

  3. My wife has been watching 20/20 love triangle tv shows – especially the ones where unfaithful wives get caught by jealous husbands. After years of hot wife bedroom talk and strengthening our intimacy bonds (she has completely stopped having sex with me) im doing lots and lots of domestic chores – making bed / cleaning dishes / vacuuming -and I’m not bringing it up (hotwifing) or bugging her but something is definitely going on. Our platonic relationship is awesome – but I think she is secretly considering her biggest objection was thinking I’d be mad at her… I told her that it was huge turn on – and that there are huge difference between sex and love. And we’ve talked it over in the bedroom for years, she gets super horney, until our sex stopped for some reason.

    • Uhhhh… If your wife is watching shows about cheating (which is not Hotwifing) and she’s stopped having sex with you, it’s time you had a good talk to her. I am not suggesting that she is already cheating but you really need to know why the sex has stopped. Just ask her if she’s no longer feeling sexual and if there’s anything you can do to help (and I don’t mean by giving her permission to sleep with other men). Let her her know that you’re open to trying things to help her explore her sexuality and nothing will make you mad. Hopefully she will open up about her thoughts.

  4. My wife and I have pillow talked the hotwife idea for years. In the last few months there has been no discussion and no sex. I have ramped up my housework and intimacy but careful not to bring up hotwifing. She has started watching lots and lots of Datelines and other love triangle shows. Just wondering if this is a stage where she is working it all out in her mind as to the obstacles (her main objection has been that she thinks I’ll be mad at her, if she goes along with it – Hotwifing). Any thoughts? Ideas?

  5. Good advice. She had not been doing the things like working out and dressing sexy like she had been, then the sex just stopped. All she wants to watch are those shows. I just keep doing things around the house and and giving her complements occasionally like when she wears something that looks good, or gets her toes painted. I tell her that she looks sexy that way. Fast forward one month, … well, she is out for the summer (teacher), got her tan back, got her toes done, and started working out again. I will definitely ask her the question you posed above, and tell her nothing will make me mad. Thanks!

  6. I still can not understand why or how a couple can be married and “in love” with each other but give the best part of them to someone else. Love making is the only thing we have that’s special, secret and just between us. No one else shares the special bond we have when we make love. Once a wife (or husband) has sex with someone else there is nothing at all that makes the marriage special. Nothing that the wife and husband can do that sets them apart as a couple. If any man can fuck your wife then she’s not yours at all. Screw that BS of “well she may have sex w other men but she comes home to you”. Marriage is a sacred bond between 2 people. Once the couple looses that bond then it really isn’t marriage but simply friends w benefits or roommates.
    Why even be married if you’re just gonna screw whomever you want? It tells the spouse “you’re simply not enough for me”.
    Worse is when a husband is left in a sexless marriage while the wife is free to fuck whomever she wants. Moreover when he’s not even allowed to touch his wife because the boyfriend won’t allow it. why Even bother w marriage if you’re not gonna stay true to your spouse?

  7. I spent several years discussing the Hotwife lifestyle with my wife. Some of these discussions led to major fights and my wife refusing to even consider it. Our particular situation required a lot of time apart and eventually my wife started to become more open to the idea. In September of 2019 she finally agreed that she wanted to try it but was sure that I would not be able to handle it. We opened an Ashley Madison account, along with a Tinder and Adult Friend Finder accounts. She had a lot more interest than she thought she would have and it did wonders for her self esteem. She finally met one of the guys and then ended up having sex with him in a hotel room. It was the most nerve wracking thing that I have ever been through knowing my wife was in a bed with another man between her legs. My emotions were all over the place. I can tell you that if you think you might even close be a jealous guy, you better think long and hard about this lifestyle. I didn’t think I was but I did have some jealous thoughts while she was out having sex.
    We had created all kinds of rules mainly for my security. I am not actually playing so this is all my wife. I remember the text she sent me from the hotel room that simply said “we did it.”
    We have had several arguments over rule breaking, lying and staying too long with one bull. But we have managed to work through them and I think things are getting better. If you do this and you agree to rules, live by them on your own. Do not leave it to your spouse to enforce the rules. It is not fair and it just causes heartache.
    We have now been in the lifestyle for 3 months. My wife has added 6 charms to her anklet (1 per new bull) and she has had sex many times. She has sent me lots of video and she has become a lot better with her communication skills. We rented an apartment for her to meet guys in as we will never have a Bull over to our house. We have older daughters and see no reason to flaunt our lifestyle. so far, so good. She really loves the attention and it seems like every guy she has met for sex has been really big. I ask her all the time if she likes having sex with other men and she ha always said yes.

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