Tips for New Stags

I’m going to take this opportunity to thank my readers for visiting and offering kind words of support for my blog. I started it as a self-indulgent exercise in venting over stuff I couldn’t discuss with vanilla friends, but it’s now evolved into what I hope is a good source of information for people who are curious about Hotwifing.

In particular, I think a lot of aspiring Stags arrive here hoping to discover how to get started. Unfortunately, I’m not Google Maps and can’t give specific directions to Hotwifeville. There are multiple ways to arrive at the same destination so all I can do is recommend the most fun routes to try and advise on how to avoid the worst.

tips for new stags

For me, helping Stags-to-be is important as I want their Vixens-to-be to have a positive Hotwifing experience. Hotwifing is a team sport, but how the husband approaches the journey will affect how a wife participates (or not). Be overly enthusiastic and she may feel the idea too confronting and forced. If too ambiguous, she may worry that there are underlying issues. It’s important to set yourself up well first before embarking.

So with that in mind, here are a few tips for new Stags specifically. Some are based on things that my own husband has done for me to make me feel good about being a shared wife.

For tips on how to get your wife interested in Hotwifing, please check out this post.

Tip 1: Understand and clarify why you want to try Hotwifing

Firstly, your wife will wonder why you want her to be a Hotwife. Few women will agree to have sex with another man without wanting to know what the MO is, so if she does ask, you need to have a very clear and honest reason. Look at this as an opportunity to ask yourself what you want out of the experience, both individually and as a couple. If you’re not sure exactly why you’re drawn to Hotwifing, then consider some of these reasons why Stags share their wives. If your wife is only 50/50 on the whole deal, she’ll want a solid reason to tip her over to Team Hotwife.
Extra Tip: Even if Hotwifing desperately turns you on, don’t make the reason all about your desires.

Tip 2: Decide if you’re a Stag, or a Cuck, or something in between

Hotwifing is what I consider a spectrum lifestyle so it’s important to understand whereabouts you and your wife want to play on it, at least initially. You can change your mind later (many couples evolve in the lifestyle over time) but for now, you need to consider if any of the reasons explored in Tip 1 make you more of a Stag or a Cuckold. If you’re leaning towards Cuckolding then I’m no expert so please visit The Cuckold Consultant for advice. If humiliation and jealousy are not your jam, then it’s fair to say you’re a Stag. Still unsure? Lean towards a Stag for now until you get a little experience. My husband has made it very clear from Day One that he is not a Cuckold, and I therefore Hotwife accordingly.

Tip 3: View Hotwifing as a fun experiment and keep calm

Letting your wife have sex with one or two men is not a lifestyle change. It’s an experiment to see if you might want to develop those interests further. If your wife is on board to try Hotwifing but is worried about how it might affect your marriage, just remind her that it’s not a permanent arrangement. Keep the first few experiences fun and lighthearted, and remind her that either of you can pull the pin at any time. Make sure you both know that it’s ok to feel a little weird after your first experience but agree to deal with it with humour and love. If the first experience isn’t ideal (but you’re keen to try again), try to focus on the positive and funny side. Keeping a sense of humour is so important. If my husband and I couldn’t laugh about some of the experiences we’ve had, we would have stopped Hotwifing a long time ago.

Tip 4: Be prepared to be her wingman occasionally

Yes, I did say that Hotwifing is a team sport but sometimes your wife will need you to be more like a co-pilot than a team mate. I’m not saying you’ll get sidelined in her quest to become a Hotwife, but it’s her sexual pleasure that’s paramount. After all, if she doesn’t get off, nor will you. She’ll need you to help her achieve her Hotwifing goals, which may include anything from arranging a kid-free night, to picking the lingerie to dress her in before a date, to actually being her wingman in finding play friends. If you’re worried this puts you in a subservient role, worry not. A Stag isn’t a Cuck for wanting to facilitate his wife’s sexual adventures. Just enjoy the ride and have fun helping your sexy wife get laid.

Tip 5: Check in on her from time to time

Communication is always key and no truer is that than with Hotwifing. Promise your wife that you’ll always want to know her thoughts and feelings, and that she can talk to you any time about her experiences. Even if you choose to employ a ‘don’t discuss’ policy regarding the sex she has with other men, you should reserve the right to ask if she’s still happy with the arrangement. She might have a hell of a time during play but could actually be wracked with guilt afterwards. Conversely, she may be gagging for a gangbang but doesn’t know how to broach the subject. Give her ample opportunities to open up about her desires and assure her that she can change or cancel her Hotwifing subscription at any time. As a fairly seasoned Hotwife, I still like having my husband enquire after my overall happiness, and not just in the bedroom.

Tip 6: Support her sexual exploration

As a man, you’ll probably learn a few things about your own sexuality through Hotwifing but for your wife, it will be an enlightening voyage of discovery. Every man will teach her something about her sexual response. At the very least, she will learn what she likes or doesn’t like. It will take a self-assured man to accept that aspects of his wife’s sexuality will be uncovered by other men. Anal sex may have been off the cards with you previously but with a certain guy, she may become more receptive. If you’re of average endowment, she will respond differently to bigger penises, which you need to be OK with at a minimum. On the less fun side, she may also encounter men who can’t get an erection and it’ll be up to you to assure her that it’s normal. If your wife hasn’t been with many other men then there’s a huge learning curve in store for her. You need to be able to support and celebrate her sexual self-discovery. On the plus side though, keep in mind that those sexy explorations can also benefit your sex life as a couple. It took one playfriend to help me love anal sex again and my husband is pretty grateful for that!


  1. Amazing guide, found you on Twitter and absolutly love your blog. Me and my girlfriend have started opening up our relationship, taking it slow at the starts and doing more threesomes, but would love to dive deeper into this fetish and your guide was just what I was looking for. – John

  2. We have had 5 great hotwife experiences…..So far. Great to hear your perspective as the happy shared lady. Do you have regular lovers or one time men?

    • Hi there! Glad to hear you’re having fun together 🙂 I have had regular Bulls as well as one-off plays. It’s hard to maintain a regular arrangement sometimes as Bulls do move on for various reasons. One-offs happen if we’re out of town or if the Bull just didn’t appeal to us enough to ask for seconds.

  3. The way I proposed the concept of wife sharing to my wife was, I told her to think of the other guy as a sex toy that we use. As one who we invited into our bed and in this experience plays totally by our rules.
    Me as the stag basically am the middle man . I talk to the guy and explain our rules and what WE would like from him and let the wife know everything he and I discussed. The wife really holds all the cards. We sort of have a no kissing rule. Most times that goes right out the window. To be honest When they start making out while getting it on , makes it even hotter for me

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