Why Hotwifing is Awesome

Hotwifing is awesome? Well duh. Of course it’s awesome! No doubt a lot of people will think it’s completely redundant to discuss why this lifestyle rocks. It’s fun, rewarding and sexually enriching, especially for women who may not have had a lot of opportunity in the past to explore their sexuality. Even after years of swinging and experimenting, I’ve learnt so much more about my sexual responses through encounters with different men.

Hotwifing is Awesome
We’re such good friends that we can coordinate a broody look together!

I certainly don’t need any convincing that being a shared wife is a super sexy lifestyle, but as posed by a young, inexperienced playmate the other night, what was in it for my husband? Is Hotwifing truly enjoyed equally by both Vixen and Stag, or do the Hotwives get the lioness’ share of sexual pleasure? Are men who choose to share their wives coming from an entirely selfless position, or are there separate incentives or agendas?

I’ve elaborated on why husbands enjoy sharing their partners in this post, but a wonderful email I received from a reader recently got me thinking about Hotwifing and its benefits for both partners from a broader perspective. His email reminded me of why my husband and I got into the lifestyle in the first place (both swinging and Hotwifing), and how non-monogamy can offer more than just extramarital sex.

The lovely gentleman who wrote to me is sadly battling a terminal illness. An unfortunate side-effect of his medical treatments is erectile dysfunction which had left him feeling unable to satisfy his wife. You may think that the last thing a couple coping with a significant health challenge should be worrying about is sex, but if anything, I think sex is the one pleasure in life that can help you feel human at a time when you feel helpless and out of control.

This gentleman was actually more concerned about making sure his wife still had an active and enjoyable sex life. Since he didn’t feel he could satisfy her as much as she needed, they met an understanding Bull. Their new friend was able to give his wife all the penetrative sex she wanted but he also ensured that her husband was included in the action, joining in however he could. They referred to their Bull as a boyfriend given his participation was more meaningful than you’d otherwise expect in a typical Hotwifing scenario.

I couldn’t help but smile reading about this couple’s experience. It was bittersweet given their situation, but the joy, love and desire to seize the moment was apparent. I envied the close relationship they formed with their play-friend. Sexual gratification is one thing but gaining a good friend out of swinging or Hotwifing is what I have always considered the best benefit of all. For a couple facing the unimaginable, Hotwifing has injected some much needed fun and laughter, I’m sure.

Even for my husband and I, we had always wanted to find a regular play-friend who we could take to parties and weekends away. My husband actually enjoys the social aspect of swinging and Hotwifing as much as the sexual so having an ongoing friendship is something he prefers. Unfortunately we haven’t had much luck in finding a regular Bull that we both get along with, and who I want to fuck. I think it’s easier said than done to find a boyfriend!

I’ve been exploring various themes within non-monogamy recently (both consensual and otherwise) so for the rest of this year I’ll be posing some opinions and ideas about topics such as polyamory and open relationships at a new blog space. I don’t by any means want to have a permanent boyfriend, but I’d like to think Hotwifing can be a bit more than just a sexual lifestyle. Please watch this space!



  1. I feel so fortunate to have found your blog. It is educational and ver thoughtful (vs timeless and trivial). My wife and I are very sexual but in different ways. She likes the physical aspect of sex (kissing, touching, cuddling, fucking). I like the erotic aspect. I love to visualize, think about sex, talk about sex, feel the energy of sex and at times penetration. At times we do penetrative sex which I enjoy, but I am much more turned on by her pleasing other men and she being pleased by other men.

    It gives me immense satisfaction to imagine that she fucked someone else but came home to me 🙂

    But a part of me is scared about the repercussions. Yesterday I saw her sitting behind a man on his bike and I felt this weird sensation!

    Thanks. Will write more. My name is Pawan btw

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