Will I Ever Be a Stag?

“I have had the fantasy of sharing my wife for a long time and have pillow talked it a lot. Her response is ‘keep your fantasy to yourself’. I am not sure if she ever thought I was serious or just talk.
A few weeks ago, we were in bed and not having sex due to circumstances outside of both our control but I made the mistake of touching her which set off my adrenaline. I then told her that I have this fantasy about sharing her with other men and that I have had the feelings for a long time. I also said I would never ask her to do anything out of her comfort zone.
Will I Ever Be a StagMy wife was very quiet at this stage. I then asked if she would like to try another man. She got angry and said if I ever went with another woman she would leave me. I told her that I was not interested in other women and that I love her and she is my fantasy woman.  I also mentioned that I am only interested in her pleasure and watching her being pleasured is a massive turn-on for me.
Because she was angry, I then started to back peddle saying it’s just a fantasy. She accused me of lying and that I wanted to have sex with someone else. I just left it there and eventually she calmed down. We have not spoken about it since. Will I ever become a Stag?”

There are two issues here. Firstly, your wife clearly thinks that you want to have sex with other women, and secondly, you are making the Hotwifing fantasy all about you and what you want. You’re not selling the fantasy well enough to her, so she can’t help but wonder what your true agenda is. After all, aren’t men supposed to get jealous if their wife flirts with other men?

Yes, Stags love sharing their Vixen but you need to understand in your own head why and then explain it to her. It’s not enough to tell your wife that YOU get horny thinking about her with other men. What’s in it for her and from that, what is the benefit for you? Keep in mind that unless there is an obvious incentive for your wife to sleep with other men, why would she? She married you after all, and if she’s a traditionalist, monogamy may suit her just fine.

It’s also not unusual for a woman to feel insecure about her partner’s desire to share her. You may think she’d be ecstatic to have other cocks but if not approached sensitively, she’ll try and read between the lines. Even I initially questioned why my husband wanted to see me with other men. Was it a step towards breaking up with me? Did he want an open relationship? Your fantasy invites a lot of questions for your wife, and some she may not want the answers to if she’s enjoying the comfortable armchair of monogamy.

So it comes down to this: does your wife even like sex? Do you and your wife have an otherwise healthy and exciting sex life? If your wife is voracious in the bedroom and open-minded then she may eventually agree to try Hotwifing. Firstly though, she needs to understand that it’s an actual thing, not some Penthouse myth you’ve read about. She needs to know that many women actively enjoy the lifestyle but also maintain a happy, otherwise monogamous relationship.

If your wife shows some interest in the lifestyle then I recommend reading these two posts: Tips For New Stags and Hotwifing Baby Steps before suggesting anything concrete. Keep in mind that your first experience doesn’t have to involve sex or even meeting a Bull in real life. She should enjoy some sexy flirtation online with some potential suitors and see if things escalate from there. Always let her lead. You are there to support her and enable her at times by buying sexy new lingerie.

Ultimately, she needs to feel sexy, empowered and hungry for stray cock.


  1. An idea could be to write down the fantasy, perhaps as a dirty story and let the wife play the leading part in the story. Alternatively co-write the story (using Google Docs or similar) as a way to explore each others fantasies.

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